I have a confession to make. I hate reality tv. I love TV but I don't love reality tv. I watch only 2 of the myriad of shows that call themselves reality. One is Big Brother. And the other is the Biggest Loser. I have watched BL off and on for several years. I have watched it while sitting on the couch, lying in bed. Eating. Sitting. Sometimes I watched it and started doing exercises. But I never followed it through.
Tonight I flat out BAWLED watching some of these stories. One girl in particular was doing everything she could to do the 500 step challenge but she collapsed before she could finish and got taken to the hospital. And she was so heartbroken that she couldn't go on and go to the ranch to compete. And all I could think was "would I be that determined?" To stand up there in a sports bra and clingy (ugly) shorts and weigh in on national television. I would be embarrassed. I would not want to show my face or my name. Sure, writing this blog is one thing. Most (if not all) of you that read this thing are here because I told you about it. And you know my name but you don't know the #s I'm working off. And I'm not ready or willing to tell you the starting number. I might. Some day.
I watched these people who are determined to change their lives. Sure, some of them might be in it for the fame/infamy that comes from these shows. This is why I do not like reality tv. But most of these people are ready and willing to honestly and literally work their asses off. And I want the outcome. I want that success story. I love that my roommate is able to see changes in me. That my co-worker told me I was going to have to get some new pants because these are falling off. That another co-worker told me "the walking is working". But I have to be willing to get up tomorrow morning and walk up heart attack hill and keep going. Because I want the outcome. And it's not going to happen if I get comfortable.
Yeah. Comfortable. I am getting used to this routine of counting points. That's one thing. And it's almost a habit. I haven't gone completely off the diet once (ok there was the pea salad incident but even then I still had my weekly points) but I also haven't made the exercise regular. I did walking, some great long walks even. (6 miles at the lake was awesome.) But lately I've found excuses to not get up in the morning and walk ("I'm tired, I'll go later." "It's raining, I'll do the Wii." "I don't want to.") and even when walking is a way to get out of work (literally) I haven't done it. Sitting on my ass hasn't worked for me. And it's not going to get me that outcome.
I know that if I were on The Biggest Loser I would want Bob as my trainer but I would NEED Jillian. I would loathe her. Despise her. And need her. Nice is one thing but put someone in front of me that tells me I CAN'T do it?? ooooooh (insert cartoon picture here with steam blowing out of my ears and the top off of my head) Mind you, I know that Bob can be hard on his team and Jillian can be kind. But they have different styles. And I know for sure which one I'd need.
So, today I did go over my points. By 3. And yet I am still proud of myself. I was 1 away from the total and I was still hungry and really wanted a sandwich. Instead I made myself a salad. Cucumber, orange pepper, cherry tomatos, not even 1/16th of a cup of fat free feta, 2 cups of fresh spinach and 2 tablespoons of Lighthouse Balsamic Vinaigrette dressing. 1 point for the feta and 3 points for the dressing. The rest of the day was pretty much the same as I've been having - yogurt, fat free cottage cheese, baby carrots, sandwich thins with tofurky turky slices (my new fave) and a slice of provolone, Progresso soup with the crackers I love and if I hadn't given in and eaten 1/2 of a bagel I would have only been 1 point over.
But it would still have been 1 point over. So tomorrow I get up and walk, it's my short day so I come home and do some work on the Wii. And I will not go over on my points. Jillian would be my trainer. So it's her voice I'll hear in the morning if I don't get up when the alarm goes off. And it's her voice I'll hear when I'm walking up that hill. And her voice when I think I need something tomorrow night that puts me over on points.
One day. One pound. One step at a time.
~N
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