So, we're up to 45 min sessions at the gym now. And by "we" I mean me. Goal is 3 times a week and I'm back into a rhythm so I will be able to make that happen quite easily. Funny how when you make something a priority it happens.
Today I tried an old favorite and found that it doesn't "do it" for me anymore. I got a hankering for Thai food. Probably because a friend at work mentioned it and I thought "ooh, I could have salad rolls" and then when I got the menu from him I saw "hot basil fried rice" and knew it wasn't going to just be salad rolls. The thing is, I can't really eat rice anymore. I mean I CAN but did you ever see Willy Wonka? Or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? When Violet eats the blueberry candy and blows up into a gigantic blue bubble? Yeah, that's what rice does to me. I'm quite convinced that it's a combination of gluten and dairy that does me in. Today there was no dairy but there was rice. And yeah. Can't do it. If I had stuck to my original idea - salad rolls with tofu - I would have been just fine and would have stayed in my lean and green meal for Medifast too.
So I came home, changed and went and worked it out on the treadmill. This time the "wall" that I usually hit at minute 25 moved to 30. :) Of course it also showed up at minute 12, but I kept going.
I am becoming a different person in many ways. The class that I'm taking is helping encourage me to let go of negative thought processes. We had a very powerful meeting this last week. The exercise was to write about the emotional "bricks" or blocks to success. The emotions that keep us from being successful. The things we relate to when it comes to not being healthy. And my biggest brick was anger. I think it will probably take me a while to completely get rid of it, because I hadn't acknowledged that it was there and it was MUCH bigger than I had anticipated. But I let go of some things on Sunday that I had been holding onto for a long time. And when you let yourself let go of things like that you open the door to letting go of the physical weight too.
It's not an easy process. It is work. But a great friend recently reminded me that nothing that's worth it is ever easy. So, I'm going to keep going. And it feels like I have a momentum building. Like I am building the momentum. ME. That's a change.
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
Monday, July 16, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
That Funny Feeling
So, when did I start going to the gym? Cinco de Mayo. And I haven't gone as consistently since a week or 2 ago. But today I actually caught myself ENJOYING the time on the treadmill. I think it was at minute 15 (about 10 min before I hit the wall that waits at 25 when I want to lie down). And I'll have to see what music it was on the playlist but I looked down at the time and said "oh hey wow that went fast". And I was alone with my thoughts with just my feet pounding to the beat and nonsense on the bank of tvs in front of me.
So that was 2 months ago, when I joined up, and that meme that I found said it would probably take 12 weeks to see a difference. :) 4 more weeks to go. And I'm still not looking at the scales. At least until I'm done with my class.
Yup, this is working.
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
So that was 2 months ago, when I joined up, and that meme that I found said it would probably take 12 weeks to see a difference. :) 4 more weeks to go. And I'm still not looking at the scales. At least until I'm done with my class.
Yup, this is working.
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Independence Day
Went back to the gym yesterday. Everything was going well until minute 25 on the treadmill at 3.5mph. And then I wanted to stop. But I kept going for another 10 minutes. Yay me!
Today is kinda weird because it's a holiday but we work tomorrow and the holiday will include a lot of noise that will keep me awake tonight. So I slept in this morning and finally feel like I'm getting rid of this chest cold.
This year we had hot dogs (or tofu dogs for me) and some bbq veggies for our big dinner. It's been interesting keeping myself mindful of what I'm eating, taking responsibility for that spoonful of baked beans and spoonful of cole slaw. And remembering that just because I can drink it doesn't mean it's not high calorie. Today I didn't go to the gym but I played my work-out music (much to the horror of hubby who is NOT a fan of my music) and danced around the living room. That got the heart racing. And it was fun. :0
Been thinking about the reason behind today's celebrations - Independence Day. And what that can mean for me. Freedom from bad choices. Freedom from old tapes in my head that say I'm a failure and other nasty things. Freedom from the belief that I won't actually make the changes I need to. And freedom/independence from the state of ill-health I've been calling life for a while now.
Happy Independence Day dear readers. May you find freedom from all that holds you back.
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
Today is kinda weird because it's a holiday but we work tomorrow and the holiday will include a lot of noise that will keep me awake tonight. So I slept in this morning and finally feel like I'm getting rid of this chest cold.
This year we had hot dogs (or tofu dogs for me) and some bbq veggies for our big dinner. It's been interesting keeping myself mindful of what I'm eating, taking responsibility for that spoonful of baked beans and spoonful of cole slaw. And remembering that just because I can drink it doesn't mean it's not high calorie. Today I didn't go to the gym but I played my work-out music (much to the horror of hubby who is NOT a fan of my music) and danced around the living room. That got the heart racing. And it was fun. :0
Been thinking about the reason behind today's celebrations - Independence Day. And what that can mean for me. Freedom from bad choices. Freedom from old tapes in my head that say I'm a failure and other nasty things. Freedom from the belief that I won't actually make the changes I need to. And freedom/independence from the state of ill-health I've been calling life for a while now.
Happy Independence Day dear readers. May you find freedom from all that holds you back.
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
Monday, July 2, 2012
Busy Weeks, Deep Work
So, I'm still here. Just UBER busy. On the 19th I had the amazing privilege of attending the birth of my niece. I was there when her 2 big brothers were born and all 3 times I have more and more respect for their momma. WOW. Anyway, so we welcomed the new, precious little baby and then I got sick. REALLY sick. Like missing work sick. And that meant no gym. I think it's been 2 weeks now since I went to the gym. Coughing and wheezing on everyone else and giving them my germs would not be cool.
But I also have been doing work in that class I mentioned. Hmm. How to describe it....? Well some people call it Boot Camp. It's meant to be taken as seriously as you want, and I figure if I'm paying money to buy the book and do the work with the 5 other people in the class I'll take it seriously. It's pushed my buttons for sure already. Making me really look into things and question - do you REALLY believe that? Yeah, and why?
One of my favorite things about the class, besides the fact that I'm not on my own and the other women there all have something I can relate to in their struggle with weight loss, is that we do what I guess you can call art therapy. It's also called Soul Collage. Basically you have some images to pick from, you put them together on a card, glue them on and then look into your heart of hearts and see what you come up with. There is more to it but that's the beginning of it and I really find that I'm able to express some stuff with that where I may not normally go in my head.
I hit a realization this last week that seemed so completely basic and obvious that I literally started out my writing about it with "how did I not see this before?". I was reading about and asking myself about self-sabotage. It's based on the question posed in the book that ask you to see what it is about being unhealthy and over-weight that you see (unconsciously) as good for you. A question that I bristled against and argued with for a week or so until this last week when I put it into words - I had created a person in my body, this big and out of the shape I want to be body, that would be un-loveable and thus not subject to rejection because I was not even allowing myself to be loved, much less rejected. And the thing is, I know I was loved. And I got married in the middle of this whole thing. To a man who loves me. He loved me when I didn't love me. And that was a realization that was a big deal. Don't get me wrong, I knew he loved me. What I didn't realize or allow myself to see was that I had created my most un-loveable self. To avoid rejection.
That was a big deal to realize. I don't know about y'all but I am not a fan of rejection. Be it in the form of the loss of a job Or a parent leaving. Or the one you love not loving you back. Not a fan. And to realize and recognize in myself the unconscious creation of someone I would not love so that I would not be rejected?? HUGE. And now to really love myself. In all stages of this. Letting love take over helps let go of the anger and hurt that's been there for a long time.
So, we had a big meeting here at home tonight (big future plans and decisions being made) and I didn't go to the gym. I put my gym clothes on tho. :) And tomorrow I will go after work. I have committed to not stepping on the scale for the 9 weeks in this class. So that I'm focused not so much on the numbers but more on the inner stuff. I've discovered that it's not as easy as I thought it would be. I'm still doing my Medifast during the day and eating veggie stuff at night. But instead of looking at that number on the scale to praise myself or punish myself, I'm trying to focus on the loving myself aspect of this. Because that is a big deal.
The book is not for everyone and I don't recommend it if you're not ready to really look at yourself and the reasons you eat or have weight issues. And if you are not necessarily into spirituality it may grate a bit, but I am personally finding that this book: A Course in Weight Loss by Marianne Williamson
http://www.amazon.com/Course-Weight-Loss-Spiritual-Surrendering/dp/1401921531/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1341289327&sr=8-1&keywords=a+course+in+weight+loss+by+marianne+williamson
to be helpful in my journey, and can see how it will affect other areas of my life. in good and powerful ways.
One step. One day. One pound at a time.
~N
But I also have been doing work in that class I mentioned. Hmm. How to describe it....? Well some people call it Boot Camp. It's meant to be taken as seriously as you want, and I figure if I'm paying money to buy the book and do the work with the 5 other people in the class I'll take it seriously. It's pushed my buttons for sure already. Making me really look into things and question - do you REALLY believe that? Yeah, and why?
One of my favorite things about the class, besides the fact that I'm not on my own and the other women there all have something I can relate to in their struggle with weight loss, is that we do what I guess you can call art therapy. It's also called Soul Collage. Basically you have some images to pick from, you put them together on a card, glue them on and then look into your heart of hearts and see what you come up with. There is more to it but that's the beginning of it and I really find that I'm able to express some stuff with that where I may not normally go in my head.
I hit a realization this last week that seemed so completely basic and obvious that I literally started out my writing about it with "how did I not see this before?". I was reading about and asking myself about self-sabotage. It's based on the question posed in the book that ask you to see what it is about being unhealthy and over-weight that you see (unconsciously) as good for you. A question that I bristled against and argued with for a week or so until this last week when I put it into words - I had created a person in my body, this big and out of the shape I want to be body, that would be un-loveable and thus not subject to rejection because I was not even allowing myself to be loved, much less rejected. And the thing is, I know I was loved. And I got married in the middle of this whole thing. To a man who loves me. He loved me when I didn't love me. And that was a realization that was a big deal. Don't get me wrong, I knew he loved me. What I didn't realize or allow myself to see was that I had created my most un-loveable self. To avoid rejection.
That was a big deal to realize. I don't know about y'all but I am not a fan of rejection. Be it in the form of the loss of a job Or a parent leaving. Or the one you love not loving you back. Not a fan. And to realize and recognize in myself the unconscious creation of someone I would not love so that I would not be rejected?? HUGE. And now to really love myself. In all stages of this. Letting love take over helps let go of the anger and hurt that's been there for a long time.
So, we had a big meeting here at home tonight (big future plans and decisions being made) and I didn't go to the gym. I put my gym clothes on tho. :) And tomorrow I will go after work. I have committed to not stepping on the scale for the 9 weeks in this class. So that I'm focused not so much on the numbers but more on the inner stuff. I've discovered that it's not as easy as I thought it would be. I'm still doing my Medifast during the day and eating veggie stuff at night. But instead of looking at that number on the scale to praise myself or punish myself, I'm trying to focus on the loving myself aspect of this. Because that is a big deal.
The book is not for everyone and I don't recommend it if you're not ready to really look at yourself and the reasons you eat or have weight issues. And if you are not necessarily into spirituality it may grate a bit, but I am personally finding that this book: A Course in Weight Loss by Marianne Williamson
http://www.amazon.com/Course-Weight-Loss-Spiritual-Surrendering/dp/1401921531/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1341289327&sr=8-1&keywords=a+course+in+weight+loss+by+marianne+williamson
to be helpful in my journey, and can see how it will affect other areas of my life. in good and powerful ways.
One step. One day. One pound at a time.
~N
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