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so, for some reason I can't comment on comments on this site....if anyone one has any idea how to fix that let me know....I must have hit a setting somehow and don't know how to un-set it. 

The usual suspects

Ever see this movie?  (title of blog)  Kevin Spacey.  Great flick.  And today oh boy did I dabble in the usual suspects.  Fast food?  check.  chocolate? check.  ice cream?  (dear lord) check.  SODA?  check.   Reason?  Anger.   Yup.  My old pattern emerges.    Oooh I was just the other side of a righteous bitch today.  I tried to keep it from smacking people around but I know that I let my irritation show.  I had ZERO patience for stupidity.  None.  And that's not good.   Because let's face it, EVERYONE has a bad day.   Everyone makes mistakes.  And I'm sorry to say that anyone that did that around me today got either a snarky comment, flat out blunt reply (see: rude) or even bitchy attitude.    I don't know exactly why.  I don't have an excuse.  I just was PISSY.  

And about 2pm my kind-hearted co-worker (who had been on the receiving end of my bitch-snappyness) offered to get me something from McDonald's.   If I said this was the only thing I'd eaten from McD's today I'd be lying.  Yup.  I had a sausage mcmuffin (no sausage) and an oatmeal (which sounds healthy but comes with cream and brown sugar in it unless you ask for it to not be in there).  An orange juice.  A coffee (with cream and equal) AND a veggie whopper from Burger King for lunch later in the day.  And my co-worker brought me a diet soda and a small sundae with chocolate.  Yes.  I ate all of it.

And I didn't smack anyone at work.  

So there's THAT.  

But when I got home I got right into my hoodie and sweats and (with my sweet hubby who said "wait for me") trudged up heart attack hill and further down the street and back home again.  THAT counts.  THAT is part of my goal this week.

As for all that crap I ate let's just say this here and now:  I may love eggs and cheese and chocolate.   But I do NOT love fast food.  Can't eat it.  Just can't do it any more.  It all tastes like it has some sort of waxy covering to it.  Hell, maybe it does I dunno'.  But either way it's bad for me.   

The upside?  I walked up heartattack hill today.  :)    And I'm gonna do it again tomorrow.

One day.  One step.  One pound at a time.
~N

and a 1 and a 2

Wow, really I wrote on the 14th but not since?  See that's how my life has been.  *poof* gone by in a flash.

Diet is still in effect, and by now it really is every day stuff.  I have eaten bread and eggs and cheese once a week but that's once a week....instead of 3 times a day!  And I have decided that I cannot live with only vinegar on my salads.   But I can live with dressing out of a spray bottle.  Which, as we've discussed, covers more area and still gives the taste I want.  A couple of nights ago we decided to order Thai food from our favorite place.  It had been a busy weekend - a spiritual retreat on Friday night with one friend, a tattoo for me (my first) on Saturday with another friend and then various and sundry projects and cleaning on Sunday - prepping for another friend to come visit.  So we decided it was ok to splurge.  Hadn't had Thai in over a month.  And won't be having it again for a long time.  Sad to say I cannot eat my lovely Thai food anymore.  It makes my stomach upset!!  How crazy is that?!  Food I would have inhaled a month ago made me feel bloated, sick to my stomach and just icky.  So, if I eat Thai again (when I eat it again) it will be home-made with fresh veggies and light on the sauces.  That tells me that really and truly what we should be eating is the freshest foods.  No more of this processed and heavily sauced stuff.  Can't do it.

On Sunday I walked up heartattack hill and cleaned house for hours.  On Monday I walked for 10 minutes, fast.  And tonight I haven't done it yet but I will be doing 10 minutes of activity.  Sit ups, push ups, leg lifts, weights and probably some yoga.  It is my goal to do 10 minutes of purposeful activity every day this week.  And then next week I will make it 20. Yesterday I was talking to a friend and we were encouraging each other and I said I'd do 15 but today I was reading about another friend of mine who has been running nearly every day for 3 weeks now and "lost a chin".  (he's a big boy comedian)  So I can do 20.

Did I mention I got my first tattoo on Saturday?  Yep.  Big deal.  I surprised even myself but there were several reasons for following through with this.  First was to FOLLOW THROUGH with something I put my mind to.  Second was because I turned 40 this year and I wanted to do something BIG to commemorate it.  (yes, I had my party which counts, and yes I got married which also MAJORLY counts)  But I wanted something physical.  Third reason was to commemorate my kitty cat.  That was such a singularly painful experience that I felt I really needed to let go of some stuff and so I focused on her when it was painful.  Fourth reason is what is actually IN the tattoo.  It is a combination of symbols inside a 5 pointed star.  Stars are representative of many things in many different spiritual belief systems and I have a special attachment to the stars.  Each point on the star has a different symbol in it that represents something different to me.  And I wanted something that represented a whole picture of my life.  Spirituality.  Nature.  Energy.  The beach.  And New Zealand.  Because when I get fit enough I will go there and hike.

So going into this tattoo I was nervous but excited.  Nervous because well I'm not a fan of pain.  Let's be honest.  And excited because I created this tattoo.  I found a symbol I liked and then I changed it and made it my own.  One of my best friends, the woman who inspired me to start weight watchers actually, came down to go with me.  She has a gorgeous tattoo.  And she knew what I would need.  And what I should and shouldn't do.  And it didn't hurt anywhere near as bad as I'd anticipated it might.  Don't get me wrong.  It HURT.  In fact there were a few times I had to close my eyes and remind myself to NOT jerk my leg away from the pain.  And in those times I concentrated on breathing.  Yoga breathing teaches you to be mindful (pay attention) when you breathe in, pulling your stomach tightly, and breathe out like you see the women giving birth.  In for 3 and out for 6.  Eyes closed and breathing through the pain.

And when it was done, just an hour later, I had a beautiful piece of art that I helped to create.  And I had pushed myself to go through the pain.   And it wasn't as bad as I thought.  And I showed myself that I really can do anything I put my mind to.  Really.  Step by step.  Purposefully.  And consistently.

So I will.  This exercise part of the change is going to happen.  In the conversation I had last night I was saying "if only I could get to the point in my head where I WANTED to do it, that's the key".  So I have to tell myself I want to do this.  And start at 10 minutes.  And go from there.

One day.  One step.  One pound at a time.
~N

carpet the den

Yup, more big stuff happening in the world.  The kind of stuff that makes you feel tiny.  Like a grain of sand on the beach.  My heart is with the people in Japan. I cannot imagine that amount of loss.  It underscores my personal motto of Carpe Diem - seize the moment. 'Cause you never know when you're going to be done with life as you know it.

We're still on the diet, veggies and beans and tofu.  We had sandwiches with the family on the weekend and I can tell you that I'm really done with the heavy carbs.  Bread and cheese...yeah, I can't eat that anymore.  It just makes me feel better to be eating the veggies and fruits.  And to tell you the truth by now I'm used to the no salt or sugar (except in coffee). 

I forgot to stand on the scale this week but I know I'm on my way to the goals.  Just have to keep pretzeling myself into those yoga moves - hey I can touch my toes now...that's a good thing.  :)

One day.  One pound.  One step at a time.
~N

Split Pea Yoga Master

So I will spare you details but summarize the last couple of days with advice to steer clear of split peas.
They canNOT be good for you.  No need for any more info on that.  Just know they're bad " 'm kay?"

Ok, now then things are back on track after the weekend's fun.  Back to veggies with little to no cravings for cheese.  We went shopping and bought some almond milk to use in cooking.  Compared it to Silk Soy milk and it's slightly higher in sodium content but not by much.  Both are good.  I've never been a milk drinker so it's no big change for me.  I do like it in my oatmeal in the mornings.  And I am now used to the no added salt diet. It took me a little bit to get used to it but I do recommend trying it.

I started this post on Tuesday and now it's Wednesday night.  I am happy to be able to report that I did 22 minutes of exercise tonight.  We were discussing the fact that we've kind of plateau'd on this new diet and so now comes the WORK part of the losing weight part.  The moving part.  Diet is 1/2 of it.  Now to make exercise a habit.  I'm still failing miserably when it comes to getting up and walking while at work.  There's just so much to do!  And I know - there will ALWAYS be something to do.  But yeah.  I don't move enough. 

So tonight I came home and put the Wii Fit on and put myself through a short run, some strengthening exercises that included a move that felt and looked suspiciously like sit ups but they call something else (as if you can make it easier by not calling it a sit up).  Then I did all of the yoga moves that I've learned so far.  And I seriously do NOT like the Tree pose.  You are supposed to grab one leg and put your foot up on the inner thigh of the other leg (yeah, my leg goes somewhere just above the knee), then stand with your arms above your head, hands clasped and breathe.  Steadily.  And don't wobble.  Whatever you do DON'T WOBBLE!  (or fall over).  It is much harder than it looks.  But I did it. 

And then, after doing a new pose that I don't remember the name of but also involved standing on one leg and pulling your knee into your rib cage when you inhale, my wonderful cook made me a fantastic stir fry dish of onion, cilantro, basil, red pepper, black  beans, tomato, avocado, bean sprouts and mango.  Y U M M Y!!!  And for dessert?  Mixed berries and soy milk blended up into a cold, sweet creamy dish.  VERY GOOD.
I am definitely getting used to the diet.  For lunch I went across the street to the deli and bought 2 salads to go.  One that I never in a million years would have bought 2 months ago, it had BEETS in it.  And the other was a regular garden salad.  No sodas.  No fries.   I could have.  But I would only have been cheating me.

So now I just need to make this exercise thing a habit.  Oh, and the Wii?  Tonight it told me I'd lost another couple of pounds.  Of course it's been weighing me in at higher #s than my regular scale so I hated it to begin with but I am inching ever closer to my next goal.   :)

One day.  One pound.  One step at a time.
~N

Are Wii Having Fun Yet?

Ok, so no progress on the weight loss this week.  I can tell you exactly why too....cheese entered my body again this weekend.  Along with a bunch of wine.  Yowza.   So, Friday night we went to Gustav's and had the yummy but extremely salty food.  Saturday I woke up feeling like I needed to drink more water (hmmm, think if you eat too much salt your body wants water??  Yeah, I think so.)  and so on the way to our friends' house we picked up some Smart Waters as well as bananas and apples. 

A side note here about Smart Water.  What makes it smart?  That the "makers" of this product are smart enough to bottle it in such a way as to get suckers like me to buy it?  I dunno.  But I do like it.  I could likely have just filled a bottle at home with our filtered water but I didn't have a bottle.   I do now.

A few months ago 10 of us bought tickets through Groupon (which has some great deals and also I believe advertises on my page...the more you click the more I'll get points or something, I dunno) for a day of wine tasting at local wineries with a limo ride and lunch.  Yesterday was the day to do the trip.  I think had this come up after we started our new diet I wouldn't have gone, but as it was the tickets were purchased and we were looking forward to something new.  (I'd never done this before.)  Limo picked us up at 10:45am at a central meeting spot (home of one of the couples going).  White stretch limo that "seats 10".  Indeed it does seat 10 but comfortably?  Probably 8.  It wasn't bad, a long C shaped bench of seats with glasses for wine (which we were encouraged to bring for ourselves) and a snack basket that was universally panned by all.  The basket consisted of crackers and cookies and there was a "platter" of cubed meats and cheeses and a little bit of fruit.  Luckily for us one of the people brought strawberries and we had bought some Fuji (best apples ever) apples and bananas.  Let me tell you that it is a very odd thing indeed to be riding in a car with an open container of alcohol, and DRINKING IT.  Our driver was quite sober and patient with a group that got progressively rowdier until on the way home the littlest one of the bunch finally lost it....out the back window...
I was at the opposite end so I had no idea what had happened until someone said that the driver of the car next to us was laughing his ass off while she stuck her head (and a bag that didn't hold out well) out the window.  Ahhh yes.  Winos R Us. 

Still it was a lovely drive, great company and we came home with 2 great bottles of wine and I got a shirt that says "Grateful Red" on it from one of the places.  (Am wearing it now actually, very comfy.)  So my breakfast was the very healthy oatmeal with soy milk, honey and a banana.  Lunch was cheese cubes, crackers, a sliver of melon and probably about a bottle of wine all together.  (3 vineyards, between 5 and 8 tastes per place per person...)  When we got home everyone was positive they were dying of hunger (and we were a bit hungry too) so after buying some activated charcoal for my little friend C who was still looking rather green (if you ever need help with nausea/vomiting/stomach issues of any kind go buy a bottle at your local grocery store, probably in the vitamin section.  I keep some with me at all times.  It cures hangovers too.)  we ordered food to go from the mexican place down the street. 

That's right, after almost 3 weeks of little to no cheese, NO rice and very low sodium I had a cheese enchilada with rice and beans and chips and salsa and a tsp of guacamole.  It was fantastic.  And by 9pm I was so tired that I went to bed.  It literally made me feel like I'd been drugged.  Between all the wine and the heavy food I was very sleepy. 

So today the scale had not moved further which was to be expected but I FINALLY made myself move.  It was nice enough to go outside and walk but I didn't go outside.  Instead, after a brief flirtation with organization (that is an ongoing process with our newly combined household) I got the Wii Fit stuff out and I stepped on the board again.  The last time I'd been on it (because it keeps track) was near the end of September.  And between then and now I've lost 11 pounds!!  So that made me happy.  I am still NOT where I want to be but I am on my way.

I decided to go through the yoga moves today.  The breathing one is great (you focus on breathing in and out through your nose and using your abdominal muscles, wherever they are, on exhaling) and there was the warrior pose, the greeting the sun pose and the tree.  I did each of them twice through and on the greeting the sun pose there's one point where you are supposed to exhale and touch your toes.  HAHAHAHAHAHA  I can touch my toes if I'm sitting on my bed putting my socks on.  NOT if I'm standing upright and reaching for them.  But after the 2nd time through I was able to briefly get there.  And I know that the more I do this the more flexible I will be.  The focus today was on balance and working on the hips and thighs.  I did 30 minutes and was/am very proud of myself.  Ended it with the "dance" step and a short run.  Felt/feel great and am planning to do it again tomorrow morning.  This can be my start of a new habit.  And I am positive it's the key to pushing the weight numbers back down again.  Diet + Exercise = weight loss success.

Today I had oatmeal as usual and haven't been tempted to cheat again.  (of course there isn't any cheese or bread to cheat with but still I was expecting some cravings after all the stuff  I ate this weekend)  I generally don't like Sunday afternoons because I start to think about going back to work and that gets me in a funk.  But not today.  And I'm quite sure that the exercise has everything to do with it. 

One day.  One pound.  One step at a time.
~N

Fondue

So, tonight we went to a restaurant for the first time since we've been on this diet.  Mind you he's been going to a place called Sweet Tomatos for lunch every day during the week.  (It's a salad bar buffet) But tonight it was one of our closest friend's birthday/going away dinner.  We went to a German restaurant that is famous for (of course) beer and bratwurst and fondue.  Do you know what fondue is?  Cheese.  :)

In the 1970s my parents got into the craze that was going around and we had a fondue pot.  Broke crusty bread up and dipped it in the pot of warm, melted fabulous cheese.  Cheese.  My favorite cheating outlet. 

Tonight I had searched the menu out online beforehand and planned out a spinach salad and lentil soup.  When we got there they had a side dish of braised red cabbage that I had too.  YUM.  The first thing I noticed was how salty everything was.  The lentil soup was really good and warm but it had loads of salt.  And yes, I did try ONE square of bread with the sinful fondue.  This too was salty to me.  The salad had too much dressing so you couldn't enjoy the sliced strawberries and feta (yes, cheese).  And here's the funny thing - a year ago I'd have eaten everything on my plate and gone for 1/2 of the fondue pot.  Not this time.  I do notice that I am craving something sweet right now and I'm wondering if this isn't a side effect of all that salt.  They say that one of the many side effects of salt is that you crave sugar.  Does not surprise me. Almost guarantees that the dinner will end with dessert.  (We didn't get any, we had drinks.)


So for breakfast I had oatmeal with some soy milk and raisins and honey (YUM) and a banana.  Then a snack of almonds and dates.   For lunch I finished the rest of the big salad I made to go with dinner last night.  Lettuce, beans, tomato, cucumber, onion, green olives, red pepper, vinaigrette, cashews and sunflower seeds.  Yeah.  THAT was lunch.  And I wasn't hungry till about 4 when I had an apple. 

Tomorrow should be interesting, we're going on a wine tour.  "Lunch" is snacks in the limo (!!) which are....cheese and meats.  HAHAHAHAHAHA  Yeah I don't know that taking peanut butter and celery sticks is what they meant when they said bring snacks, but we are going to try.  :)

One day.  One pound.  One step at a time.
~N

Your Cheatin' Hearrrrrrrt

so, I've been home sick for 3 days now.  First day I slept.  Watched netflix on my laptop.  And slept.  Then yesterday I cleaned out the refrigerator and started in on my office.  The fridge is where I've been going for my cheating addiction - cheese.  Every few days I'd been sneaking a slice of cheese or two.  And there was a bag of cinnamon Jolly Ranchers hidden in plain sight on the counter.  Every day or so I'd take 1 before bed. 

Yesterday I decided I need to un-sabotage myself.  I threw out the cheese, candy and bread.  And pretzels and chips. 

And I survived. 

The more I set myself up for success, by surrounding myself with other choices the better I'll do.  And I know that I'm going to pass that minus 40 mark.  Soon.  :)

One day.  One pound.  One step at a time.
~N