and a 1 and a 2

Wow, really I wrote on the 14th but not since?  See that's how my life has been.  *poof* gone by in a flash.

Diet is still in effect, and by now it really is every day stuff.  I have eaten bread and eggs and cheese once a week but that's once a week....instead of 3 times a day!  And I have decided that I cannot live with only vinegar on my salads.   But I can live with dressing out of a spray bottle.  Which, as we've discussed, covers more area and still gives the taste I want.  A couple of nights ago we decided to order Thai food from our favorite place.  It had been a busy weekend - a spiritual retreat on Friday night with one friend, a tattoo for me (my first) on Saturday with another friend and then various and sundry projects and cleaning on Sunday - prepping for another friend to come visit.  So we decided it was ok to splurge.  Hadn't had Thai in over a month.  And won't be having it again for a long time.  Sad to say I cannot eat my lovely Thai food anymore.  It makes my stomach upset!!  How crazy is that?!  Food I would have inhaled a month ago made me feel bloated, sick to my stomach and just icky.  So, if I eat Thai again (when I eat it again) it will be home-made with fresh veggies and light on the sauces.  That tells me that really and truly what we should be eating is the freshest foods.  No more of this processed and heavily sauced stuff.  Can't do it.

On Sunday I walked up heartattack hill and cleaned house for hours.  On Monday I walked for 10 minutes, fast.  And tonight I haven't done it yet but I will be doing 10 minutes of activity.  Sit ups, push ups, leg lifts, weights and probably some yoga.  It is my goal to do 10 minutes of purposeful activity every day this week.  And then next week I will make it 20. Yesterday I was talking to a friend and we were encouraging each other and I said I'd do 15 but today I was reading about another friend of mine who has been running nearly every day for 3 weeks now and "lost a chin".  (he's a big boy comedian)  So I can do 20.

Did I mention I got my first tattoo on Saturday?  Yep.  Big deal.  I surprised even myself but there were several reasons for following through with this.  First was to FOLLOW THROUGH with something I put my mind to.  Second was because I turned 40 this year and I wanted to do something BIG to commemorate it.  (yes, I had my party which counts, and yes I got married which also MAJORLY counts)  But I wanted something physical.  Third reason was to commemorate my kitty cat.  That was such a singularly painful experience that I felt I really needed to let go of some stuff and so I focused on her when it was painful.  Fourth reason is what is actually IN the tattoo.  It is a combination of symbols inside a 5 pointed star.  Stars are representative of many things in many different spiritual belief systems and I have a special attachment to the stars.  Each point on the star has a different symbol in it that represents something different to me.  And I wanted something that represented a whole picture of my life.  Spirituality.  Nature.  Energy.  The beach.  And New Zealand.  Because when I get fit enough I will go there and hike.

So going into this tattoo I was nervous but excited.  Nervous because well I'm not a fan of pain.  Let's be honest.  And excited because I created this tattoo.  I found a symbol I liked and then I changed it and made it my own.  One of my best friends, the woman who inspired me to start weight watchers actually, came down to go with me.  She has a gorgeous tattoo.  And she knew what I would need.  And what I should and shouldn't do.  And it didn't hurt anywhere near as bad as I'd anticipated it might.  Don't get me wrong.  It HURT.  In fact there were a few times I had to close my eyes and remind myself to NOT jerk my leg away from the pain.  And in those times I concentrated on breathing.  Yoga breathing teaches you to be mindful (pay attention) when you breathe in, pulling your stomach tightly, and breathe out like you see the women giving birth.  In for 3 and out for 6.  Eyes closed and breathing through the pain.

And when it was done, just an hour later, I had a beautiful piece of art that I helped to create.  And I had pushed myself to go through the pain.   And it wasn't as bad as I thought.  And I showed myself that I really can do anything I put my mind to.  Really.  Step by step.  Purposefully.  And consistently.

So I will.  This exercise part of the change is going to happen.  In the conversation I had last night I was saying "if only I could get to the point in my head where I WANTED to do it, that's the key".  So I have to tell myself I want to do this.  And start at 10 minutes.  And go from there.

One day.  One step.  One pound at a time.
~N