Core

So today we officially began doing the P90X program in order.  And the first cd is Core Synergistics.  Oh My Gawds.  Add into the mix the fact that my body is having it's hormonal party (sorry boys, ear muffs) and I really just wanted to come home and put my jammas on and watch a PBS miniseries and eat bonbons.

Instead I put my work out clothes on, the most comfortable ones I could find and I did 36 out of 56 of the most excruciating stuff I've done yet.  I realize that I've created a very posh little place for my core - underneath all the ice cream, cheese, carbs and McDonald's fries from years past.  Yes my core is safe and sound.  And today I poked at it from the outer shell.  I'm pretty sure it heard me and poked back because I could just sit here on the couch and fall right asleep.

There were things we were supposed to do today that I can't even remember clearly to be able to describe to you but I can tell you there were lunges, a move that they call Superman Banana (superman = lie on the ground on your belly and lift your arms out, then raise your legs and arms and head and hold that for a while.  banana = roll over and do the same thing creating the shape of a "c"), and I used some stretchy bands for resistance.  Very effective and very tiring.  Someday I will be able to get through that whole thing.  But in the meantime I'm gonna work till I can't anymore.

And now I'm gonna drink some water and find a fuzzy robe.

One day.  One pound.  One step at a time.
~N

Back in the Saddle Again

Just weighed myself and I'm down 3 pounds.   :)   Oh yeah.  Moving makes a difference.  Finally moving in the right direction.

It's another grey day out there so I'm going to work in the yard and then maybe some more P90X craziness and then meeting friends for dinner.

Happy Sunday everyone!

One day.  One step. One pound at a time.

~N

Stretching is good

So, today I worked in the yard again for 2 hours.  Edging by hand is....hard.  And thus great exercise.  We had a break in the seemingly endless rain and the ground was mostly soft so it could have been much worse.  Did I mention how much I love getting instant results?  Yeah.

And then we did another P90X.  We didn't do any last night, Friday nights around here tend to be game nights so I was happy to do both this afternoon - gardening and the crazy videos.  Today's video was all about stretching and let me tell you this was MUCH better than the cardio.  Mind you it still pushes you and there are some poses (see Plough) that I simply cannot do.  But when all was said and done about 50 minutes of intense stretching and yoga (yes, even the dreaded Plank)went by and while I was winded I felt/feel GREAT.

Had fabulous stir fry for dinner, still no added salt and fresh vegetables make it the best - asparagus, basil, green onions, tofu with black bean sauce (only a little) avocado and of course Sri ra Cha.  YUM.

Looking forward to more gardening tomorrow and likely the P90X won't be as kind but it will be exercise.  :)

One day.  One step.  One pound at a time.
~N

My Own Private Jillian

Ok, a while back (when he was still "roommate") I told you about buying hubby an exercise program.  It's called P90X.  I believe it stands for something that ends in extreme.  Tonight I am fairly certain it stands for the torture chamber that could be Jillian if you don't do it right.

That's right kiddies.  Today I started to count my points again (I hadn't been...for a while...) and only ate my Smart Ones meals (highly recommend their cheesy egg scrambles - yum!) and drank over 1 liter of water (more after this work out tonight).  And last night I didn't work out - but tonight WOOOOOHOOO.  We moved the coffee table and put the cardio dvd in and about 7 minutes into it I was looking down at my legs saying "why aren't you doing that?" because after running and jumping and some jumping jacks I literally could not move my legs back and forth to do jumping jacks.  But I did not give up.  I did the entire 45 minute program.  Ok, I modified it.  HEAVILY.  (omg there is some special place in hell for some of those jumping things)  But I did it.

And you know what?  I feel good.  I took a shower immediately because yeah, when you aren't used to working out I think you sweat more than the average faucet drips.  (TMI? too bad. it's my blog) But I DID IT.  He did it with me.  And encouraged me.  And we're going to do it again tomorrow.

The whole time I kept thinking "keep going.  someday you will look back on how sucky you were at this and you will be able to do the whole thing!"  And I pictured Hannah and Olivia and the others on the treadmills, the stairs and the bikes.  In the horrifying uni-bra and on television.  With Jillian.  And I said "I am doing this."

One day.  One pound.  One step at a time.
~N

She Did It - So Can We

So in the end she did it.  Olivia W. lost nearly 1/2 of her body weight and gained a new life.  And she said she did it from the inside out.  From changing the tapes on the inside (my phrase) and not allowing herself to believe she couldn't do it or didn't deserve it.  Changing a life.  And her husband also lost over 100 pounds.

A lot of the people that they showed last night had lost over 100 pounds.  That's my goal.  I want to lose 100 pounds.  And it will take changing how I do things.  Which I have already done.  It's been 9 months since I started this blog and in those months I've changed what I eat and how I eat.  I haven't changed my exercise into a habit....yet.  But being ok with eating foods that don't have added salt or oil?  Yeah that's HUGE for me.  So I can see some of the steps I've taken.

Another thing that Olivia said about her win is that she had to take things in "baby steps".  Not looking at the big goal.  But doing it bit by bit.  Oh yeah, I know that process.  My thing is that I'll take baby steps and then go "oooh!  cheese!" and go back a few.  It's a mind-set that I now know I can do, I just have to want it more than I don't.

Tonight I didn't garden for the first time in over a week.  It rained and hailed (and there was a mini-funnel cloud outside my work that FREAKED me out) and so I went to my chiropractor and got a massage on the arm that's been killing me (due to muscles being called forth from the deep).  I feel relaxed and much better.  And I believe tomorrow (if it's still rainy) I will pull out the hubby's P90-X video and do that.  Some friends of mine have been doing that for exercise and I think it's the intensity that I need to make myself do.  It's kinda like having Jillian in my living room.  (without the black tank top and snarly look every time you get tired)

The people last night were inspiring.  And the thing is - I know there are more of me out there.  I know that some of you are doing the same thing I am:  trying to get healthy.  Getting trapped in old habits and old self-talk.  But if we keep going.  If we don't give up.  If we believe in ourselves and we keep PUSHING ourselves we CAN do this.  I know it.

One day.  One pound.  One step at a time.
~N

Biggest Loser Finale

So the show is on tonight - and I have done gardening for 30 minutes every single day for 6 days now.  My right arm feels like it will fall OFF at any minute but I will not stop. The yard needs to get done.  And this is my stepping stone.  Daily exercise.

Ok, the show is on...will it be Olivia or Hannah?  Next up - Me.

One day.  One step.  One pound at a time.
~N

Presenting the newest fad in exercise: gardening

Ok, it's not new.  It's in fact likely the oldest form of exercise this side of walking but it is in fact new for me to be doing it on a regular basis.  And when I go outside in a little bit I will be on my 5th straight day of at least 30 minutes of gardening (see: weeding) in my yard.  A little about my yard:  We are renting a sweet little house next to a highway with a view of a local mountain and a great commute to my work (1 exit on the freeway, 1 exit off) and the lady that owns this house has some form of OCD.  I like to say I have OCD but it's nothing like Judy's.  When we met her and her husband she was in the midst of cleaning the house from the last renters - and she was stretching the carpet after having it cleaned.  I had no idea you could/should? do that.  So she lived here before she got married and she made her yard into a beautiful little putting green of a lawn and surrounded the lawn with decorative flowering bushes (rhododendrons) and flowers (tulips, daffodils) and japanese maple trees.  It is adorable. And it takes a LOT of work to keep it looking pristine.  And I/we have not been out there doing the work that would need to do to keep it free of weeds.

The first year we lived here when spring came so did all these little green shoots.  Like soft little tiny fir trees.  All across the flower beds.  And we didn't know what they were but thought they were supposed to be there so we let them grow.  And they kept growing.  By the summer we realized that they weren't in any sort of order and were probably NOT supposed to be there.  By fall we were trying to figure out why we couldn't get rid of them.  This was my introduction to horsetail.  One of the oldest known plants and the current bane of my existence.  Far and away ahead of the blackberries that are coming through the side bushes from the highway, these little nasty weeds are EVERYWHERE.  Except for on the lawn.  That has about 3 types of grass that are steadily being out-grown by clover (which while pretty is actually a grass-killing weed).

All of these things culminated (throw in a visit next month by my dad and step mom) in a frenzy of yard work that began 2 weeks ago and will (crossing fingers) end sometime this week.  I have found that I can wear out the ends of my gardening gloves in 3 days (doing serious damage to the newly manicured nails...) and that after 4 days of bending, pulling, stretching, hauling, kneeling for no less than 30 minutes at a time and (so far) no more than 4 hours at a time, the only thing that doesn't hurt is my hair and my eyelashes.

But it has been daily work.  Daily EXERCISE!!!  WOOHOO!!!  And it appeals to the instant gratification part of me that wants to see results NOW.  I ate all the salads that I bought last week from Trader Joe's and need to go buy stuff to make my own this week so I'm not tempted to go buy fast food.  Doing better at drinking more water but this week has been focused on MOVING.  So we'll keep going and see if I can make it a habit.

One day.  One pound.  One step at a time.
~N

Dirt and Tears

Last night was Biggest Loser night.  A friend of mine from childhood is personal friends with one of the women, Olivia, who is going to the finals with her sister Hannah.  Lisa, my friend, warned that the episode would make me cry.  What I did not expect was that it would floor me.  I didn't cry.  I SOBBED.  Watching the stories of the final 4 was devastating and inspiring.  I am now where Olivia and Hannah began.  I am (thank goodness) nowhere near the only guy left was when he started but I know where the ladies started.  I'm there.  And I don't have Bob and Jillian and a gym and television cameras etc etc.  But I have me.  And my unbelievably supportive husband.  And my goal.  And a knowledge that I can do this.

I sat there and listened to their stories and I related so much to the struggle.  The pain.  Hannah was especially heart-wrenching.  She stood in front of the camera and talked about wanting to have a family "but I'm not sure I can, I mean *gestures to self* who could love this?"   Oh my goodness.  I absolutely sobbed.  Prompting hubby to come and hold me (which incidentally for any males that may read this blog is exACTLY what you are supposed to do in situations like this).  God, I know that feeling.  The last conversation I had with my mom's mom before she died ended with her telling me that I should lose weight so I could find a man.  Swear.  And I know that even my father who is so happy for me is just happy that I found someone that could love a big girl.  I know it.  "You're such a pretty girl.  If you could just lose weight."  It's not a unique phrase, I'm certain.  And if you start to believe that you lose a part of yourself.  I don't believe that....anymore.  But I did for a long time.  It took me a long time to change those tapes in my head.  From "I'm never going to be able to do this"  to "I can do anything if I put my mind and energy to it."  

What these people have done on this show (with some clever editing focused on wrenching the emotion out of scenes) is worked literally their asses off.  And the successful ones are the ones that have fought through these old tapes and said "I believe in me and I know I can do this."  At the end of last night's episode Hannah said "I know I can do anything."

So today I got up and walked during the day.   No speed walking but it was moving.  And I will do it again tomorrow.  And then I got home and put my grubbies on and worked hard in the yard for at least 30 minutes (I don't know how long it was exactly) pulling weeds, turning the soil.  It felt good.  And I can feel that my muscles in my butt and thighs are still there.  Yay!  I will do it again tomorrow.  And each day add more.  That's the thing, these people worked HARD.  Past the edge of where they thought they could.  I can't imagine running a marathon.  I can't imagine running a MILE at this point.  But I can tell you this - I WILL (run the mile...no promises or goals on the marathon).

One day.  One step.  One pound at a time.

~N

State of Mind

2 pounds down.  So there's that.  And I've been trying to re focus my head, reminding myself that while the grilled cheese sandwich would taste so good it will not feel good.

Tonight I stopped at Trader Joe's and bought pre-made salads and soups for the week and am setting myself up for a healthy week.

It's the future I'm working towards, my future.  And in order to make my future what I want I have to live as if I'm already there.  Or something like that right?

One day.  One step.  One pound at a time.
~N

How Much Do You Want This?

Hi, it's been a while since I've been on here.  I got very sick and am still trying to get rid of the cold that never ended.  (Could've been worse, I thought it was headed to pneumonia at one point and am still coughing like crazy.)  I have been on what Elizabeth Gilbert called a "no carbs left behind diet".  And it shows on the scale.  I am back to only being down 20 pounds.

I swear to you there is a part of me that wanted to not post on here and be honest with the numbers.  Just so freaking frustrating.  But I own those 17 pounds that have come back.  Every single one of them represents Thai food, pizza, sandwiches, cheese, donuts.  And not getting up and moving every day.

So (after eating veggies with tofu and drinking a big glass of water) I am sitting on the couch tonight watching NBC's The Biggest Loser.  A friend of mine is personal friends with Olivia Ward who is one of the top performers on this show and I was curious to see how she's doing.  And I'm watching these people just pound it.  Inspiring themselves to keep going even after they literally fall down.  Hearing Jillian yell at them (you know she's the trainer I'd have to have) and watching them keep going.  I can picture myself on this show.  The horrifying sports bra and spandex pants that show every single bump and standing on that scale for all the world to see.  Crying, oh yes I know I'd cry and very likely yell back at Jillian.  But the end result is me.  Doing the work.   The contestants each talk about how they felt during week 1 where they were not going to put this off one more day.  That's the motivation I need to give myself.  Because no one else is going to lose this weight for me.  No one but me.

So I'm still at it.  And I'm not giving up.  I refuse.  I will keep going, start again, whatever I need to do.

One day.  One step.  One pound at a time.
~N