How Much Do You Want This?

Hi, it's been a while since I've been on here.  I got very sick and am still trying to get rid of the cold that never ended.  (Could've been worse, I thought it was headed to pneumonia at one point and am still coughing like crazy.)  I have been on what Elizabeth Gilbert called a "no carbs left behind diet".  And it shows on the scale.  I am back to only being down 20 pounds.

I swear to you there is a part of me that wanted to not post on here and be honest with the numbers.  Just so freaking frustrating.  But I own those 17 pounds that have come back.  Every single one of them represents Thai food, pizza, sandwiches, cheese, donuts.  And not getting up and moving every day.

So (after eating veggies with tofu and drinking a big glass of water) I am sitting on the couch tonight watching NBC's The Biggest Loser.  A friend of mine is personal friends with Olivia Ward who is one of the top performers on this show and I was curious to see how she's doing.  And I'm watching these people just pound it.  Inspiring themselves to keep going even after they literally fall down.  Hearing Jillian yell at them (you know she's the trainer I'd have to have) and watching them keep going.  I can picture myself on this show.  The horrifying sports bra and spandex pants that show every single bump and standing on that scale for all the world to see.  Crying, oh yes I know I'd cry and very likely yell back at Jillian.  But the end result is me.  Doing the work.   The contestants each talk about how they felt during week 1 where they were not going to put this off one more day.  That's the motivation I need to give myself.  Because no one else is going to lose this weight for me.  No one but me.

So I'm still at it.  And I'm not giving up.  I refuse.  I will keep going, start again, whatever I need to do.

One day.  One step.  One pound at a time.
~N