On Becoming

So, we're up to 45 min sessions at the gym now.  And by "we" I mean me.  Goal is 3 times a week and I'm back into a rhythm so I will be able to make that happen quite easily.  Funny how when you make something a priority it happens.

Today I tried an old favorite and found that it doesn't "do it" for me anymore.  I got a hankering for Thai food.  Probably because a friend at work mentioned it and I thought "ooh, I could have salad rolls"  and then when I got the menu from him I saw "hot basil fried rice" and knew it wasn't going to just be salad rolls.  The thing is, I can't really eat rice anymore.  I mean I CAN but did you ever see Willy Wonka?  Or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?  When Violet eats the blueberry candy and blows up into a gigantic blue bubble?  Yeah, that's what rice does to me.  I'm quite convinced that it's a combination of gluten and dairy that does me in.  Today there was no dairy but there was rice.  And yeah.  Can't do it.  If I had stuck to my original idea - salad rolls with tofu - I would have been just fine and would have stayed in my lean and green meal for Medifast too.

So I came home, changed and went and worked it out on the treadmill.  This time the "wall" that I usually hit at minute 25 moved to 30.  :)  Of course it also showed up at minute 12, but I kept going. 

I am becoming a different person in many ways.  The class that I'm taking is helping encourage me to let go of negative thought processes.  We had a very powerful meeting this last week.  The exercise was to write about the emotional "bricks" or  blocks to success.  The emotions that keep us from being successful.  The things we relate to when it comes to not being healthy.  And my biggest brick was anger.  I think it will probably take me a while to completely get rid of it, because I hadn't acknowledged that it was there and it was MUCH bigger than I had anticipated.  But I let go of some things on Sunday that I had been holding onto for a long time.  And when you let yourself let go of things like that you open the door to letting go of the physical weight too.

It's not an easy process.  It is work.  But a great friend recently reminded me that nothing that's worth it is ever easy.  So, I'm going to keep going.  And it feels like I have a momentum building.  Like I am building the momentum.  ME.  That's a change. 

One day.  One step.  One pound at a time.
~N