The title of this blog is for me. So anyone else (RW) tempted to think it's about you....it's not. ;)
Now then. I had a very, very important and stressful and milestone inducing week. And none of it has to do with the diet. (which reminded me and I just stepped on the scale.....eeek.....2 pounds back on.....FOCUS!!!)
So the reason the week was all of those things is wrapped up in my job. Remember a few blogs back where I said I made a big decision and it was about my job? So I have really not liked my boss and the way the administration/management runs where I work. I do realize that in order to run a company, any company, you must have a vision for the long-term and you have to be willing to make the hard choices. However, the way they choose to communicate with their employees is the most bass-ackward (figure it out) thing I have ever seen. Honestly I believe it has to do with the fact that it is a religious-based organization and they don't know how to say "yes, we believe in a god that is kind and loving to people and we are trying to show that to our customers" and how to manage their employees. The disconnect between the "mission" statement and the actual reality is profound.
In the nearly 10 years I have worked for this company I have seen them (especially in the department I work in) take people that have given years if not decades of their lives - even donating their time (clocking out and still working) and say "thank you for your service" and then either firing or "retiring" them. Over and over. The easiest way to see it coming is if a person has to have any sort of surgery or prolonged illness and absence. As soon as they come back to work they have 2 months or less until they are "let go". About a month ago we were all called into a meeting where our director informed us that the company is not making budget - by about $10 million. (she did not give us the total, she spread it out in a talk but anyone paying attention could add the numbers up.....) The point of this talk was to get us ready for cuts. It was clear that administration was sending the department heads out to warn the staff to get ready for some painful cuts.
This last week the axe fell. And it was one of the most stressful weeks I have experienced maybe ever. It started a couple of weeks ago when one of my friends that had a surgery and extended medical leave this summer (yep) told me she was retiring... OK, so part of this is because she is still not doing well but she is not full retirement age. And then we were told (or found out) that the deadline for making cuts to meet budget was Friday the 3rd. (Also my roomate's birthday.) So we had a retirement party for my friend on Thursday and the most telling and poignant (and chilling) moment came at the end when the director actually choked up when paying tribute to my friend. This is highly unusual for the big boss and was cause for attention.
Then in the afternoon all of us in the office started getting appointments with our direct supervisor. Starting with me at 10am on Friday. And being the CSI person I am I put 2 and 2 together and KNEW that this was where the big life-changing news was going to happen. All afternoon on Thursday I fretted and compared notes with my co-workers. At the very end of the day one of my closest friends who is also a co-worker was called into her supervisor's office (after her counterpart in another area of our department was laid off entirely) and told that she was getting a reduction in salary AND having her hours cut as well as having to absorb the other person's duties... This led to me not sleeping well at ALL on Thursday night. Stomach ache. Crying.
I even cleaned out the majority of any personal effects from my desk before I left on Thursday. See, the last job I had before this was my dream job and I lost it one day without a clue. Without warning. And I told myself NEVER AGAIN would I get caught that unaware. I have and will always have a box under my desk. Just in case.
So, on Friday morning I woke up at 4:50am. Wide awake. Not even my cat believed me when I got up and started paying bills online. The night before I had figured out my budget in case I was cut by 1 day a week (as had already happened to others) and I had bills to pay in case... I got to work on time. Zero appetite for any breakfast so I drank water and tried to concentrate. By this time almost every person in my office had a meeting set up with our boss. Without going into the details of exactly what happened in the meeting I will say this: I am both incredibly lucky and thankful. They did cut my job, the job that I was doing up until Friday, but then they also gave me increased responsibilities for what amounts to the lead position in the office. With no cuts. There were only 2 other people that I know of in the office that did not have their pay or hours cut on Friday.
I am someone that firmly believes in being willing to adjust your plans and what happened to me on Friday adjusted my plans. Yes, I am still working for a boss that I could write books about (she really IS that bad) and yes I still think that management does a piss-poor job of communicating with their staff, not to mention makes crappy decisions in terms of budget. However I am no longer looking for a new job. They have shown that they trust me enough to put me into a key position at a time when they are having to make cuts all over the place. And I am going to honor that by telling myself that I will be thankful that I have a job and I am going to stop whining and work. I am not going to look for a new job. Mind you, if one falls into my lap and it's the right job? I will do that (it would be highly stupid to ignore a good opportunity). But in the meantime I will be thankful and shift my focus to this fitness journey.
Because this week I gained TWO POUNDS. And THAT is not the direction I want to go. So it's back to work. On my job and on my fitness. And focus not only on health but on being thankful. The T in TCN.
One day. One pound. One step at a time.
~N
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