Ok, so today was day #3 going to the gym and the first time hubby went with me. I am such a competitive person!!! He is in much better shape than I am and when we set up our treadmills beside each other I kept looking at how fast he was going and when he started running I thought "he makes it look so easy". DAMMIT!! But I must remember, this is a new habit. I'm not going to just start running. I hate running. I love how easy it looks when someone else does it but I have never liked it. I tried running when I was in high school and I LOATHED it. And that was when I was in shape! So today I just kept re-directing myself, turning my iPod music UP (thank you Black Eyed Peas) and focused on keeping my heart rate around the same. I did 30 minutes and then a 5 minute cool down.
Got super busy at work today and the result was that instead of eating at 5 when I should have, I came home and went to the gym and then ate. So I technically have 2 more meals to eat. I'm thinking chocolate shake and chocolate pudding. :) Yes, those count as meals. Muahahahaha.
So, my goal was to go once a week for a month. So far I've done 2 days this week and 1 last week. They say it takes 2 weeks to create a new habit. Well, ok then. 2 weeks of treadmill action it shall be. Then I'm moving on to the nautlius machines. I just have to remind myself that I'm competing against myself. No one else. And try to picture Jillian Michaels somewhere nearby saying "DON'T STOP! KEEP GOING!".
Yup, this is going to work. :)
One day. One pound. One step at a time.
~N
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
Temptation EVERYWHERE
Ok, first things first - I had a small piece of chocolate cake today. That's my confession. I almost made it the entire day with just eating my Medifast every 2 or 3 hours, but at the end of the day I said F-it and had a small piece. And enjoyed every bite.
Then I came home, changed into my work out clothes, got my iPod and went to the gym. It was pretty full tonight, making me anxious - I'm not a fan of big groups - but I was not about to let that stop me. Then I walked in the door and was met with the smell of PIZZA. In my GYM. WHAT. THE. HELL??? Seriously?? Apparently the first Monday night of the month is Pizza night at my gym. Short of saying it's to keep people coming because they eat too much, I have no idea why they do this. Anyway, I did 35 min on the treadmill at 3.2 mph. Broke a consistent sweat and kept my heart rate up where it needs to be.
And then I walked right past that pizza (topped with lots of cheese.....) and came home. Drank a big bottle of water and heated up some grillers for dinner. I haven't had enough protein tonight I don't think so will need more than the grillers and sugar snap peas and sweet peppers I ate. But it's a step.
Who gives away pizza at a GYM?!!! Wow. I guess if I keep associating it with stinky, sweaty feet it will get much easier to not eat cheese ever again.
Working on no dairy this week to see if that helps.
So, despite the chocolate cake (did I mention it was good?? It was also very sugary and I've evidently changed my ability to intake sugar because it was almost too sweet for me. Actually it was too sweet but I ate it anyway.)
Doing it.
One step. One day. One pound at a time.
~N
Then I came home, changed into my work out clothes, got my iPod and went to the gym. It was pretty full tonight, making me anxious - I'm not a fan of big groups - but I was not about to let that stop me. Then I walked in the door and was met with the smell of PIZZA. In my GYM. WHAT. THE. HELL??? Seriously?? Apparently the first Monday night of the month is Pizza night at my gym. Short of saying it's to keep people coming because they eat too much, I have no idea why they do this. Anyway, I did 35 min on the treadmill at 3.2 mph. Broke a consistent sweat and kept my heart rate up where it needs to be.
And then I walked right past that pizza (topped with lots of cheese.....) and came home. Drank a big bottle of water and heated up some grillers for dinner. I haven't had enough protein tonight I don't think so will need more than the grillers and sugar snap peas and sweet peppers I ate. But it's a step.
Who gives away pizza at a GYM?!!! Wow. I guess if I keep associating it with stinky, sweaty feet it will get much easier to not eat cheese ever again.
Working on no dairy this week to see if that helps.
So, despite the chocolate cake (did I mention it was good?? It was also very sugary and I've evidently changed my ability to intake sugar because it was almost too sweet for me. Actually it was too sweet but I ate it anyway.)
Doing it.
One step. One day. One pound at a time.
~N
Saturday, May 5, 2012
*ominous theme music*
First of all, after weeks of stressing and worrying and several icky and invasive tests I have been given a clean bill of health. This is great news, and not so great news. Great in that I do not need any more tests (unless in 6 months I'm still having pain) and I don't have cancer or cirrhosis etc. Great in that what I need to do to fix it is keep doing what I've been doing - diet and exercise. Not so great in that I was hoping for a clear answer as to why I've been feeling like poop on a stick.
But that's not much of a not so great eh? :) And I weighed in at the MD office and I am down 10 pounds since I saw the doctor last. I'm telling you I nearly did a tap dance. If ever was a question, Medifast WORKS. Yes it does. I've gone walking with K 4 or 5 times in the last couple of weeks. A mile and faster each time. I'm still very tired so I'm still getting better. But I'm getting better. :)
And today I went and I signed up for a gym membership. Yup. That's where the ominous music comes in. Normally I loathe gyms. I went to a Curves for a little bit, it was very small, loud and bouncy. NOT my style. I felt like a cow in the middle of a stampede. Not at all my style so I quit. Then I signed up for 24 hrs fitness, at least 2 different times. And I did go a few times. Mainly stuck to the treadmill. It was loud, bouncy, but I could just go and be anonymous on the treadmill. But the big hangup was that the closest one was at least 15 min drive from my house... and not on the way home from work. So, I quit after a while.
A few months ago I noticed that an old abandoned grocery store up the hill from my house, next to the Starbucks that we have walked to (MtSnoBB you and I met there) had been turned into a gym. I thought "huh, should check that out". But never did. Last night I saw the sign after coming home from Sweet Tomatos where we celebrated my good news and I said "I'm looking that up tonight." And sure enough, Planet Fitness is a nationwide chain and they specialize in what they call "judgment free zones".
Today we went and took a tour and signed up. K got a $10 a month membership where you get unlimited work outs and no commitment. And I got a $20 a month membership that also includes unlimited guest pass, tanning and massage chairs etc. $20 a month to get healthy. And it's close to home (and coffee). I CAN and will be doing this. It's a great big open space (see: grocery store) FULL of treadmills, free weights, resistance weights, an area that has the circuit that Curves did where you do 1 minute of as many reps as you can and move to the next - without the cattle caller. And it was quiet, the treadmills have iPod docs and headphones if you want to watch tv. It's great! They have free fitness training classes - where you can meet with a personal trainer to set up a personal training program. Other gyms charge for this, but on this program there are only 5 people per class and you pick a time that works for you and meet with the personal trainer - discuss your goals and set up a plan that will help you get to your goals. AND you can then go back for more feedback after you set up a program. Sorta like a personal trainer, but a little less one on one, which is fine with me.
So, I'm starting to put it together. And this time feels like it will stick. Without the fear of some dread disease looming over my head. No excuses when it comes to any different type of gym exercise I might want to do. And a change in what I've been eating and drinking that feels lasting. I am still working on telling my brain that cheese is gross and not incredibly delicious. It's not good for me. In fact part of what's been my problem is possibly a burgeoning gluten intolerance and lactose intolerance. So I'm embracing the non-dairy life (there is always frozen yogurt for dessert) and I will go to that big purple and green gym at least 1 time a week for 1 month, then move the expectations higher (2 times a week etc.) I've even got a guest pass - so if you wanna go with me...let me know.
I'm doing it.
One step. One pound. One day at a time.
~N
But that's not much of a not so great eh? :) And I weighed in at the MD office and I am down 10 pounds since I saw the doctor last. I'm telling you I nearly did a tap dance. If ever was a question, Medifast WORKS. Yes it does. I've gone walking with K 4 or 5 times in the last couple of weeks. A mile and faster each time. I'm still very tired so I'm still getting better. But I'm getting better. :)
And today I went and I signed up for a gym membership. Yup. That's where the ominous music comes in. Normally I loathe gyms. I went to a Curves for a little bit, it was very small, loud and bouncy. NOT my style. I felt like a cow in the middle of a stampede. Not at all my style so I quit. Then I signed up for 24 hrs fitness, at least 2 different times. And I did go a few times. Mainly stuck to the treadmill. It was loud, bouncy, but I could just go and be anonymous on the treadmill. But the big hangup was that the closest one was at least 15 min drive from my house... and not on the way home from work. So, I quit after a while.
A few months ago I noticed that an old abandoned grocery store up the hill from my house, next to the Starbucks that we have walked to (MtSnoBB you and I met there) had been turned into a gym. I thought "huh, should check that out". But never did. Last night I saw the sign after coming home from Sweet Tomatos where we celebrated my good news and I said "I'm looking that up tonight." And sure enough, Planet Fitness is a nationwide chain and they specialize in what they call "judgment free zones".
Today we went and took a tour and signed up. K got a $10 a month membership where you get unlimited work outs and no commitment. And I got a $20 a month membership that also includes unlimited guest pass, tanning and massage chairs etc. $20 a month to get healthy. And it's close to home (and coffee). I CAN and will be doing this. It's a great big open space (see: grocery store) FULL of treadmills, free weights, resistance weights, an area that has the circuit that Curves did where you do 1 minute of as many reps as you can and move to the next - without the cattle caller. And it was quiet, the treadmills have iPod docs and headphones if you want to watch tv. It's great! They have free fitness training classes - where you can meet with a personal trainer to set up a personal training program. Other gyms charge for this, but on this program there are only 5 people per class and you pick a time that works for you and meet with the personal trainer - discuss your goals and set up a plan that will help you get to your goals. AND you can then go back for more feedback after you set up a program. Sorta like a personal trainer, but a little less one on one, which is fine with me.
So, I'm starting to put it together. And this time feels like it will stick. Without the fear of some dread disease looming over my head. No excuses when it comes to any different type of gym exercise I might want to do. And a change in what I've been eating and drinking that feels lasting. I am still working on telling my brain that cheese is gross and not incredibly delicious. It's not good for me. In fact part of what's been my problem is possibly a burgeoning gluten intolerance and lactose intolerance. So I'm embracing the non-dairy life (there is always frozen yogurt for dessert) and I will go to that big purple and green gym at least 1 time a week for 1 month, then move the expectations higher (2 times a week etc.) I've even got a guest pass - so if you wanna go with me...let me know.
I'm doing it.
One step. One pound. One day at a time.
~N
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Eat to live
So, the last time I did Medifast I remember being hungry and cranky and not liking the food. This time is different, probably because I've already changed my diet significantly over the past year. Whatever the case, I'm on day 3 of the 5&1 plan (you eat 5 of the Medifast meals throughout the day - every 2 or 3 hours) and 1 "lean & green" meal.
This time I like the food - the eggs are better, more egg-y. I like the hot chocolate and really like the veggie sloppy joes. I am going to have to come up with some recipes for the lean & green meal because, even tho our meals are very healthy, they are not giving me enough protein. So, working on that.
We're walking a mile a day now, most days of the week. Not up heart attack hill yet, I'm still so tired all the time. But that's more likely to do with whatever's going on in my guts. Speaking of, saw the GI doc this week. He has 3 ideas that he thinks it could be. 1 is post-infectious irritable bowel. Neato. Basically that would mean that I've just not ever gotten over being sick a month ago. 2 is a disease that is close to NASH (the non-alcoholic fatty liver) and basically is fatty liver that hasn't "irritated" the liver yet (so not as bad). And 3 is something to do with my body's ability to deal with iron. Being a vegetarian I was confused at first as to why I'd be having difficulty with iron and where I was getting iron from....then I remembered "leafy green vegetables"....aka pretty much everything I've eaten in the last month.
So, more tests to come this next week. I went to a lab that had someone who I consider to be the ROCK STAR of blood draws - not only did she find a vein that I couldn't even see in my arm, but she got 4 vials of blood in 45 seconds. FOUR!!! Last time it was barely 1 vial from my hand in 2 minutes. WAY better. (could've been the Xanax but I'm giving the credit to her)
So today I had blueberry oatmeal (YUM), eggs with spices and sri ra cha (YUM), Spiced pancakes (will be yum when I figure out how not to make sad little wrinkled up thin disc looking things, and am going to friends' for dinner where I'm going to test out my lean & green skills. I still get 2 more of the MF meals so I'm taking one of the caramel bars with me and when we get home I get to have pudding. Yup. I can like this plan. I still don't like the soy cheese that I bought, but today I ate 2 slices of it with a Wasa cracker for a snack and maybe it's because I know I can't have anything else or I was just lightheaded and hungry (not really) but it wasn't awful. Baby steps...
One day. One step. One pound at a time. (weighing in tomorrow so will have #s on that later)
~N
This time I like the food - the eggs are better, more egg-y. I like the hot chocolate and really like the veggie sloppy joes. I am going to have to come up with some recipes for the lean & green meal because, even tho our meals are very healthy, they are not giving me enough protein. So, working on that.
We're walking a mile a day now, most days of the week. Not up heart attack hill yet, I'm still so tired all the time. But that's more likely to do with whatever's going on in my guts. Speaking of, saw the GI doc this week. He has 3 ideas that he thinks it could be. 1 is post-infectious irritable bowel. Neato. Basically that would mean that I've just not ever gotten over being sick a month ago. 2 is a disease that is close to NASH (the non-alcoholic fatty liver) and basically is fatty liver that hasn't "irritated" the liver yet (so not as bad). And 3 is something to do with my body's ability to deal with iron. Being a vegetarian I was confused at first as to why I'd be having difficulty with iron and where I was getting iron from....then I remembered "leafy green vegetables"....aka pretty much everything I've eaten in the last month.
So, more tests to come this next week. I went to a lab that had someone who I consider to be the ROCK STAR of blood draws - not only did she find a vein that I couldn't even see in my arm, but she got 4 vials of blood in 45 seconds. FOUR!!! Last time it was barely 1 vial from my hand in 2 minutes. WAY better. (could've been the Xanax but I'm giving the credit to her)
So today I had blueberry oatmeal (YUM), eggs with spices and sri ra cha (YUM), Spiced pancakes (will be yum when I figure out how not to make sad little wrinkled up thin disc looking things, and am going to friends' for dinner where I'm going to test out my lean & green skills. I still get 2 more of the MF meals so I'm taking one of the caramel bars with me and when we get home I get to have pudding. Yup. I can like this plan. I still don't like the soy cheese that I bought, but today I ate 2 slices of it with a Wasa cracker for a snack and maybe it's because I know I can't have anything else or I was just lightheaded and hungry (not really) but it wasn't awful. Baby steps...
One day. One step. One pound at a time. (weighing in tomorrow so will have #s on that later)
~N
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Unexpected left turn
So, hi. I'm back again. Last post was in January where I was pathetically laying on my bed to exercise.
Now I'm walking every day for at least 15 min, usually 20. And I started Medifast again, first order comes this week or next. I have a great friend who is my health coach who knows me and who will help me do this. And I'm doing juicing at night to help my body heal. And I've lost 18 pounds in the last month.
This brings me to really what prompted all of this. A little over a month ago now I got the flu. I'd had some days off of work and went on a trip to see family. Late nights. Drinks. Not necessarily good for me food. Fun! Then I got back and was only at work for a day when I felt lousy. Lousy lousy. Headache, feverish, with all the fun of cold and flu. Sniffling, sneezing, stuffy, crampy, yeah, the whole 9 yards. I was out for a week at work and when I came back I was still only able really to eat soup and drink stuff like Gatorade and Ginger Ale. I figured, hey why not capitalize on this and just re-set my eating habits. We've been still eating pretty healthy at home, but I was back in my old habits at work and on the weekends - i.e. fast food and not moving. So that first week I lost 3 pounds and I figured it would come back with my appetite.
Except my appetite didn't come back. And I started feeling really tired and lethargic and generally just *meh*. That happened for another week with my stomach still feeling off and on like I was not done with the flu. The third week I started to exercise in the living room. Lifting weights in as many different ways as I could, 20 times each, and trying to do some sit ups to start getting my "core" back from under all that flab. By the end of that week I developed a stitch in my side. My right side. And by Saturday I was wondering if in fact my appendix was telling me it wanted to come out. Still not really hungry, no fever, but this pain in my gut. Especially if I ate anything and like a knife when I breathed in.
So I put it to the people I love and trust - my FB friends list. I got all kinds of votes - rib out from exercising (wouldn't THAT be cool I worked out SO HARD my rib popped out!), not appendicitis since the pain didn't show up when I moved my hand away, it got better actually. And then someone said "gall bladder" and I said "hmm". I know that gall bladders can act up (called "cholecystitis" for you med-types) if you eat big meals with fat and yummy/bad-for-you stuff so I thought "well this would not fit me - the biggest meal I've had in 3 weeks was a subway sandwich!" But when I looked online I found that in fact one of the markers of an attack is the pain in your upper right abdomen when you breathe in.
At the insistence of my husband and because I hadn't gone in when I had the flu earlier I decided to go to the doc. Luckily my doctor's office has a late clinic on Mondays so I went after work a week ago. And the cute doc said "yep, looks like gallbladder to me. You need an ultrasound." OK, there are at least 2 kinds of ultrasounds. The kind where they put jelly on your belly and look at your insides - usually done to look at babies - and another kind where they insert something in somewhere else and look at your insides. I have had the not-so-neat one before and I was REALLY glad to know that this was a jelly-belly one. It was cool. I went and laid on this comfy table and she put jelly on my belly, it was warm even, and I got to see all kinds of stuff! I am fascinated by what's inside my body. I really am. Not enough to be a nurse or doctor, you'll understand that in another paragraph, but enough to ask "hey, what's that?" I got to see my kidneys, pancreas, gallbladder, liver. Very easy procedure. No babies. *whew!*
Then I had to go get some blood taken. In January I'd talked to my doctor about a blood test to see about my thyroid and to make sure I'm not pushing Diabetes and I'd put off the blood test. Fortunately, or not, for me the place I had the ultrasound also did labs. So, feeling all nice and comfy after looking at my innards I went to see Dan in the lab. Poor Dan. I did warn him. I told him "look my veins are crappy and hard to stick and I am a big baby when it comes to this stuff so I hope I don't pass out on you". That should have been his cue to RUN, not walk, from his room. They have to take my blood from my hands because my veins are really really little, who knows why, I say they're smart - they're HIDING! Anyway so he gets this tiny needle in my hand and I'm staring VERY intently at a plant and breathing and thinking "I got a damn tattoo I can DO THIS". Then he pulled the needle out.
I am not sure how to precisely describe what happens to my body when I have blood drawn. Dan did a perfectly fine job. I didn't even bruise. But immediately upon removing the needle I started to sweat. And when I say "sweat" I mean run-your-ass-off-on-a-treadmill sweat. And I was pretty sure I was going to puke. So I asked for some water. I had not eaten anything and I knew that they made sure people had OJ or something after giving blood and even tho he said "wow, your blood does NOT like to come out" he did get some of my precious blood. So Dan brought me water and I sat for the next 10 minutes (perhaps 5 hours but I'm pretty sure it was 10 min) doing deep breathing, holding my head in my hands and making low moaning sounds. Not only was it extremely embarrassing for me, but it panicked poor Dan. Well maybe "panicked" isn't the right word. I would hazard a guess that probably nothing could panic that man. But anyway, 10 min later and 2 "Reader's Digest" stories later (he read them to me, probably in hopes that I would focus on the words and not pass out - I can tell you one was about Mrs. Paul's fish sticks) I was able to walk out of the office and go to my car. Where I immediately drove to Subway and got an OJ and an eggwhite flat bread breakfast sandwich.
Wow this is taking longer than I thought. So that was last Thursday. On Friday I expected the doctor to call. Nope. So I called the office and was told that my results were in but "the doctor will have to call you". This is not something a patient wants to hear. Not "oh yeah it's fine". But "we have to have the doctor call you". So Monday comes, I've been fretting all weekend and trying to pretend I'm not. I actually tried to work in the yard for a bit. I weeded for almost an hour and then stood up and realized "oh hey I'm probably going to pass out or puke". So that was the end of that.
So on Monday I get a call from the clinic. And I hear words I really had not expected to hear. "Hepatocellular disease", followed by the fantastic "fatty liver". She said "I'm not sure why it says this but it's got both on there." And I have my pen and paper and I'm writing the words and thinking "ummmmmmmm, WHAT?" and she says "and you need to make an appointment with a GI doctor." So I work that out and then hang up and stare at the words on the paper.
And look at the picture on my wall of me and my boy, only married just over a year now. Knowing I'm going to have to tell him, and I start to cry. And then I think about telling my mom and my dad and my little brother and my friends. Oh man. I really start to cry and freak out. So I texted a friend who has been there for some of my most seriously screwed up times and we both kind of let that sink in. And then I start researching online. So it turns out you don't have to be an alcoholic (which I am not, despite what my AMAZINGLY judgmental family in one area of the country seems to think - based on my posts on FACEBOOK! gah) to get liver disease. In fact of the 2 likely candidates for what's going on with me neither has to do with alcohol. One is called Non Alcoholic Steatohepatitis (NASH) and the other is the fantastically named "Fatty Liver Disease" which another friend that I texted pointed out was a harsh and rude name.
My vote is, and my guess is the Fatty Liver disease. Turns out that when your liver, which filters out everything you put in your body - from foods, to drinks, to medicines - gets too full of fat to filter, it gets inflamed. The good thing is that this is treatable and reversible. With.......diet and exercise! The bad thing is that if you let it go too long you can in fact get cirrhosis which basically means your liver won't work. So I had a few days of crying and being sad. Hubby was REALLY upset, still is actually, he's in the kitchen juicing vegetables right now to help cleanse the liver. And my awesome friends and family are also concerned.
The thing is - I don't know what the specialist is going to tell me next week. I'm guessing I'm gonna have to "give" more blood (I got a Rx for Xanax so I don't just pass right out then and there) and the only way they can really tell between these 2 diseases is a liver biopsy (yes, it's just as fun as you'd think). So I have to wait to find out.
But in the meantime this house has gone thru some major, MAJOR changes. The alcohol is gone. I love to drink. I would say I probably had 3-5 drinks on a weekend once or twice a month but on holidays? Yeah we had a tradition in my house where we "killed" a bottle of tequila on Christmas. Just the 2 of us. That's not going to happen any more. My beloved cheese is gone. I went out and bought a couple of different types of soy cheese to try. One that I unfortunately got 2 packets of is NASTY. The other's not bad. Neither is cheese. But they will have to do. I bought almond milk for things like my oatmeal and coffee (I'm NOT giving up coffee, sorry) and have been very careful about picking things out that are low to zero fat. I'm down 18 pounds since last month, and while I know not all of this is because of eating healthy I know that drinking water, juicing, cutting out sugar and fats, are all good for me. And we've been walking every day. First day was slow, I'm so tired and lethargic. But It's almost a mile. And it's SOMETHING. I'm going to bed at least 2 hours before I usually do just because I'm so tired.
And I'm choosing to say that this is going to be a positive stepping stone - a point at which we will look back and say "yeah we chose to be healthy after that". No matter what the doc says next week. I said at the beginning of this blog that I didn't want to end up having a stroke or being really sick....well.....I'm on the cusp of that. And I REFUSE to give up. Now more than ever the one day at a time mantra means something important to me. So will keep on...
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
Now I'm walking every day for at least 15 min, usually 20. And I started Medifast again, first order comes this week or next. I have a great friend who is my health coach who knows me and who will help me do this. And I'm doing juicing at night to help my body heal. And I've lost 18 pounds in the last month.
This brings me to really what prompted all of this. A little over a month ago now I got the flu. I'd had some days off of work and went on a trip to see family. Late nights. Drinks. Not necessarily good for me food. Fun! Then I got back and was only at work for a day when I felt lousy. Lousy lousy. Headache, feverish, with all the fun of cold and flu. Sniffling, sneezing, stuffy, crampy, yeah, the whole 9 yards. I was out for a week at work and when I came back I was still only able really to eat soup and drink stuff like Gatorade and Ginger Ale. I figured, hey why not capitalize on this and just re-set my eating habits. We've been still eating pretty healthy at home, but I was back in my old habits at work and on the weekends - i.e. fast food and not moving. So that first week I lost 3 pounds and I figured it would come back with my appetite.
Except my appetite didn't come back. And I started feeling really tired and lethargic and generally just *meh*. That happened for another week with my stomach still feeling off and on like I was not done with the flu. The third week I started to exercise in the living room. Lifting weights in as many different ways as I could, 20 times each, and trying to do some sit ups to start getting my "core" back from under all that flab. By the end of that week I developed a stitch in my side. My right side. And by Saturday I was wondering if in fact my appendix was telling me it wanted to come out. Still not really hungry, no fever, but this pain in my gut. Especially if I ate anything and like a knife when I breathed in.
So I put it to the people I love and trust - my FB friends list. I got all kinds of votes - rib out from exercising (wouldn't THAT be cool I worked out SO HARD my rib popped out!), not appendicitis since the pain didn't show up when I moved my hand away, it got better actually. And then someone said "gall bladder" and I said "hmm". I know that gall bladders can act up (called "cholecystitis" for you med-types) if you eat big meals with fat and yummy/bad-for-you stuff so I thought "well this would not fit me - the biggest meal I've had in 3 weeks was a subway sandwich!" But when I looked online I found that in fact one of the markers of an attack is the pain in your upper right abdomen when you breathe in.
At the insistence of my husband and because I hadn't gone in when I had the flu earlier I decided to go to the doc. Luckily my doctor's office has a late clinic on Mondays so I went after work a week ago. And the cute doc said "yep, looks like gallbladder to me. You need an ultrasound." OK, there are at least 2 kinds of ultrasounds. The kind where they put jelly on your belly and look at your insides - usually done to look at babies - and another kind where they insert something in somewhere else and look at your insides. I have had the not-so-neat one before and I was REALLY glad to know that this was a jelly-belly one. It was cool. I went and laid on this comfy table and she put jelly on my belly, it was warm even, and I got to see all kinds of stuff! I am fascinated by what's inside my body. I really am. Not enough to be a nurse or doctor, you'll understand that in another paragraph, but enough to ask "hey, what's that?" I got to see my kidneys, pancreas, gallbladder, liver. Very easy procedure. No babies. *whew!*
Then I had to go get some blood taken. In January I'd talked to my doctor about a blood test to see about my thyroid and to make sure I'm not pushing Diabetes and I'd put off the blood test. Fortunately, or not, for me the place I had the ultrasound also did labs. So, feeling all nice and comfy after looking at my innards I went to see Dan in the lab. Poor Dan. I did warn him. I told him "look my veins are crappy and hard to stick and I am a big baby when it comes to this stuff so I hope I don't pass out on you". That should have been his cue to RUN, not walk, from his room. They have to take my blood from my hands because my veins are really really little, who knows why, I say they're smart - they're HIDING! Anyway so he gets this tiny needle in my hand and I'm staring VERY intently at a plant and breathing and thinking "I got a damn tattoo I can DO THIS". Then he pulled the needle out.
I am not sure how to precisely describe what happens to my body when I have blood drawn. Dan did a perfectly fine job. I didn't even bruise. But immediately upon removing the needle I started to sweat. And when I say "sweat" I mean run-your-ass-off-on-a-treadmill sweat. And I was pretty sure I was going to puke. So I asked for some water. I had not eaten anything and I knew that they made sure people had OJ or something after giving blood and even tho he said "wow, your blood does NOT like to come out" he did get some of my precious blood. So Dan brought me water and I sat for the next 10 minutes (perhaps 5 hours but I'm pretty sure it was 10 min) doing deep breathing, holding my head in my hands and making low moaning sounds. Not only was it extremely embarrassing for me, but it panicked poor Dan. Well maybe "panicked" isn't the right word. I would hazard a guess that probably nothing could panic that man. But anyway, 10 min later and 2 "Reader's Digest" stories later (he read them to me, probably in hopes that I would focus on the words and not pass out - I can tell you one was about Mrs. Paul's fish sticks) I was able to walk out of the office and go to my car. Where I immediately drove to Subway and got an OJ and an eggwhite flat bread breakfast sandwich.
Wow this is taking longer than I thought. So that was last Thursday. On Friday I expected the doctor to call. Nope. So I called the office and was told that my results were in but "the doctor will have to call you". This is not something a patient wants to hear. Not "oh yeah it's fine". But "we have to have the doctor call you". So Monday comes, I've been fretting all weekend and trying to pretend I'm not. I actually tried to work in the yard for a bit. I weeded for almost an hour and then stood up and realized "oh hey I'm probably going to pass out or puke". So that was the end of that.
So on Monday I get a call from the clinic. And I hear words I really had not expected to hear. "Hepatocellular disease", followed by the fantastic "fatty liver". She said "I'm not sure why it says this but it's got both on there." And I have my pen and paper and I'm writing the words and thinking "ummmmmmmm, WHAT?" and she says "and you need to make an appointment with a GI doctor." So I work that out and then hang up and stare at the words on the paper.
And look at the picture on my wall of me and my boy, only married just over a year now. Knowing I'm going to have to tell him, and I start to cry. And then I think about telling my mom and my dad and my little brother and my friends. Oh man. I really start to cry and freak out. So I texted a friend who has been there for some of my most seriously screwed up times and we both kind of let that sink in. And then I start researching online. So it turns out you don't have to be an alcoholic (which I am not, despite what my AMAZINGLY judgmental family in one area of the country seems to think - based on my posts on FACEBOOK! gah) to get liver disease. In fact of the 2 likely candidates for what's going on with me neither has to do with alcohol. One is called Non Alcoholic Steatohepatitis (NASH) and the other is the fantastically named "Fatty Liver Disease" which another friend that I texted pointed out was a harsh and rude name.
My vote is, and my guess is the Fatty Liver disease. Turns out that when your liver, which filters out everything you put in your body - from foods, to drinks, to medicines - gets too full of fat to filter, it gets inflamed. The good thing is that this is treatable and reversible. With.......diet and exercise! The bad thing is that if you let it go too long you can in fact get cirrhosis which basically means your liver won't work. So I had a few days of crying and being sad. Hubby was REALLY upset, still is actually, he's in the kitchen juicing vegetables right now to help cleanse the liver. And my awesome friends and family are also concerned.
The thing is - I don't know what the specialist is going to tell me next week. I'm guessing I'm gonna have to "give" more blood (I got a Rx for Xanax so I don't just pass right out then and there) and the only way they can really tell between these 2 diseases is a liver biopsy (yes, it's just as fun as you'd think). So I have to wait to find out.
But in the meantime this house has gone thru some major, MAJOR changes. The alcohol is gone. I love to drink. I would say I probably had 3-5 drinks on a weekend once or twice a month but on holidays? Yeah we had a tradition in my house where we "killed" a bottle of tequila on Christmas. Just the 2 of us. That's not going to happen any more. My beloved cheese is gone. I went out and bought a couple of different types of soy cheese to try. One that I unfortunately got 2 packets of is NASTY. The other's not bad. Neither is cheese. But they will have to do. I bought almond milk for things like my oatmeal and coffee (I'm NOT giving up coffee, sorry) and have been very careful about picking things out that are low to zero fat. I'm down 18 pounds since last month, and while I know not all of this is because of eating healthy I know that drinking water, juicing, cutting out sugar and fats, are all good for me. And we've been walking every day. First day was slow, I'm so tired and lethargic. But It's almost a mile. And it's SOMETHING. I'm going to bed at least 2 hours before I usually do just because I'm so tired.
And I'm choosing to say that this is going to be a positive stepping stone - a point at which we will look back and say "yeah we chose to be healthy after that". No matter what the doc says next week. I said at the beginning of this blog that I didn't want to end up having a stroke or being really sick....well.....I'm on the cusp of that. And I REFUSE to give up. Now more than ever the one day at a time mantra means something important to me. So will keep on...
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Baby Steps and Pinterest
So I've added exercise. It's pathetically sad how out of shape I am. How just the smallest bit of exercise results in, well results. But I'll take it.
I started by lying on my bed (HAHAHA, no really I found that I can't lie down on the floor and do leg lifts, my lower back is very painful) and I do 20 side leg lifts on each side. Then I lie with my arms out and do one leg at a time straight up. 20 times each. Sadly, that is something I actually feel when I get up from sitting or in the morning. But on the other hand, I can FEEL a reaction. So there's that. :)
I've added sit ups - also on the bed. I know this is cheating, but it's moving. And I do 20. And last night I started adding some arm curls. I'd dearly like to get rid of my chicken wings I'm growing. So, it's little by little. It's not running. And it's not even walking with regularity. But it's a step.
And on a completely unrelated note? I heart Pinterest. As a good friend said, it's porn for girls. I really really adore it. It's got the right amount of EVERYTHING to keep my ADD interested and I've already come up with a way to incorporate my innate love of OCD to it. :) So that's my plug, go check out pinterest.
Meanwhile did I mention I'm exercising? And still eating right. It'll come. It will come.
One day. One pound. One step at a time.
~N
I started by lying on my bed (HAHAHA, no really I found that I can't lie down on the floor and do leg lifts, my lower back is very painful) and I do 20 side leg lifts on each side. Then I lie with my arms out and do one leg at a time straight up. 20 times each. Sadly, that is something I actually feel when I get up from sitting or in the morning. But on the other hand, I can FEEL a reaction. So there's that. :)
I've added sit ups - also on the bed. I know this is cheating, but it's moving. And I do 20. And last night I started adding some arm curls. I'd dearly like to get rid of my chicken wings I'm growing. So, it's little by little. It's not running. And it's not even walking with regularity. But it's a step.
And on a completely unrelated note? I heart Pinterest. As a good friend said, it's porn for girls. I really really adore it. It's got the right amount of EVERYTHING to keep my ADD interested and I've already come up with a way to incorporate my innate love of OCD to it. :) So that's my plug, go check out pinterest.
Meanwhile did I mention I'm exercising? And still eating right. It'll come. It will come.
One day. One pound. One step at a time.
~N
Sunday, January 15, 2012
progress
Yep, still 9 down. Getting used to eating this way. I've started adding some basic exercises to my day too. A good friend introduced me (via FB) to a site called pinterest and on that site (which is porn for women by the way - I had that on my laptop yesterday and my beloved 49ers on the tube and I was in HEAVEN) I found a link to a site that gives you a list of ideas of exercises for whatever body part you want. And right now I want to work on my thunder thighs.
So here's the link: http://www.divine.ca/en/fitness-and-nutrition/exercise-finder/c_266/?do=by_part&part_id=&muscle_id=13
An interesting side effect I've found on this diet - I get some seriously painful leg cramps at night when I go to low/no dairy and carb eating. Did it last year when we did this and man I woke up Saturday AND Friday morning with cramps. UGH So I'm looking into a multi-vitamin. Something I've discovered is that there are concerns for vitamins that have high IUs of Vitamin A. Linked to some cancers. The thing is - I'm eating really really good stuff, dark leafy greens etc. - so I just need to tweak whatever things (potassium?) I'm eating to cut the cramps. It's so weird because I mean I eat bananas DAILY. And that's what I was always told we had to eat when you get cramps. I read that you also need to make sure you drink enough water, so have been amping that up as well (altho I am already drinking a lot).
Anyway, feeling more clear headed. Adding some side leg raises to work on the "saddle bags" and IF I eat cheese or eggs or other stuff that I practically lived on before it's only a little bit. So we'll keep going. This is working.
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
So here's the link: http://www.divine.ca/en/fitness-and-nutrition/exercise-finder/c_266/?do=by_part&part_id=&muscle_id=13
An interesting side effect I've found on this diet - I get some seriously painful leg cramps at night when I go to low/no dairy and carb eating. Did it last year when we did this and man I woke up Saturday AND Friday morning with cramps. UGH So I'm looking into a multi-vitamin. Something I've discovered is that there are concerns for vitamins that have high IUs of Vitamin A. Linked to some cancers. The thing is - I'm eating really really good stuff, dark leafy greens etc. - so I just need to tweak whatever things (potassium?) I'm eating to cut the cramps. It's so weird because I mean I eat bananas DAILY. And that's what I was always told we had to eat when you get cramps. I read that you also need to make sure you drink enough water, so have been amping that up as well (altho I am already drinking a lot).
Anyway, feeling more clear headed. Adding some side leg raises to work on the "saddle bags" and IF I eat cheese or eggs or other stuff that I practically lived on before it's only a little bit. So we'll keep going. This is working.
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
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