9 pounds down. Just about 2 weeks in and I have had a few days where I had carbs (today I had a 6" flatbread veggie sandwich) but for the most part I'm sticking to the juice for breakfast (oranges, grapefruit, ginger, lemon and apples = wake up juice!!) or oatmeal with fruit and then salad and soup for lunch and either soup or stirfry and tofu for dinner. Drinking more water. Doing at least 5 min of focused exercise every day (5 min = EASY) and going to start adding another 5 min to it as of this weekend.
Yep, I stood on the scale today and there are 9 less pounds to count. I checked. 3 times. And then smiled and said "ok, that's a start"
Little by little. It will come off. And I won't be feeling like I'm depriving myself, but I feel better when I wake up. Oh, interesting thing I remembered/realized today - caffeine? It's an antidepressant for me. I had a bad bout of insomnia last night so I had to power thru 2 venti coffees today. No mochas or lattes. Coffee + cream and equals.
Yep. I can do this.
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
Friday, January 13, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The first week
So I cheated most days last week, but I've come to think of the cheating as part of the change in my way of eating. So, by cheating I don't mean I ate at any fast food places. Nope, I took my food every day. But I did not resist a bite of egg casserole at the work potluck thing. I crave protein.
But I didn't eat fast food and didn't drink soda. And I made myself get up and move around the office more. No marathons or anything, but I ate healthy stuff every day. Most mornings I had a fruit juice and then for lunch would have whatever leftovers we had from the night before, and a salad. Left overs were either veggie stirfry with tofu or veggie soup.
So it's been a week and I'm 5 pounds down. Just from changing it up, eating a ton of veggies and hardly any stuff like bread or pasta (or cheese). The back feels better this week - Wii Yoga for a little bit helped. Stretching and moving and drinking more water. I feel better. Long way to go, but it's a step.
One step. One day. One pound at a time.
~N
But I didn't eat fast food and didn't drink soda. And I made myself get up and move around the office more. No marathons or anything, but I ate healthy stuff every day. Most mornings I had a fruit juice and then for lunch would have whatever leftovers we had from the night before, and a salad. Left overs were either veggie stirfry with tofu or veggie soup.
So it's been a week and I'm 5 pounds down. Just from changing it up, eating a ton of veggies and hardly any stuff like bread or pasta (or cheese). The back feels better this week - Wii Yoga for a little bit helped. Stretching and moving and drinking more water. I feel better. Long way to go, but it's a step.
One step. One day. One pound at a time.
~N
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Slide
I'm not sure when it started but I began to notice it about 2 months ago. I was sitting more and more at my job. Mainly because at this point there are no people at my work that I am friends with. At least ones that I would interact with on the job. I still have a good friend that is employed there but she's on a medical leave (waves to you know who you are) and is not sure that she'll have a job to come back to. And I am friends with a guy that does IT in my dept but he and I don't interact at work - as a rule it's always away from work.
So starting in about September I began to have less and less friends/support at the place where I spend long hours of my day. And while there were other changes that were good (boss and her boss are GONE) the people that came in place of those who I had relied on were so, ARE so completely lacking in depth that I just sit and work and go home.
This has lead to a very bad habit. Namely, doing my level best to get all the work done so I can get the hell out of there. And that means that I sit. And don't move. All day long. Not only is this very bad for me physically (I have had days where I get up at the end of the day and realize I haven't gone pee all day) but emotionally it's been isolating. And THAT is a step towards depression. I am well aware of it. And I didn't have a clear understanding of where I was in the process until about a month ago.
I found myself sleeping more, eating more comfort foods (see: sugar, cheese bread) and more irritable, short with people that matter, short with people in general and crying. A lot. The holidays are already a sore subject in my house. I love them. They take me back to a simpler time (i.e. a time when I was less aware) and I get lost in the lights, sounds, smells etc. My husband, on the other hand HATES them. Thinks that they are contrived and superficial. Hates them. We actually had a fight on Christmas morning that threatened to ruin the entire day for me and left me in waves of tears. (We decided to hit a "re-set" button tho and the day ended up being exactly what I wanted.)
On New Year's Eve a friend, probably our closest friend, came for an unexpected visit and he and hubby started watching a show called "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead". I came in in the middle of it and immediately got irritated/defensive and watched it begrudgingly. It's a show about 2 men, more really but focuses on 2. Who used a combination of juicing and exercise to lose a TON of weight. The guy that really got to me was about my age and was a trucker. Sitting all day long. And MUCH bigger than I am. He started out at over 400 pounds and by the end of the documentary was in shape and in the 170s. Why was I defensive? Because I didn't want to watch something that would help motivate me to work on the very thing that gets to me most. I wanted to watch something that took me far away from the idea of being fat and feeling like crap.
But we watched it and the next day we started a re-set button of a different kind. We already have a juicer (it was hubby's from long ago) and we went to the grocery store and bought a TON of fruits and vegetables and started trying to make new habits (again). I cheated the first few days. We talked about how to make this a long-lasting change. Because we did this a year ago - on the "Eat to Live" diet - which is mainly the same thing, fruits and vegetables, no salt (or as low as possible) no sugar, no cheese (*whimper*) and really no carbs like pasta etc. And we lost some weight but then we started getting company and excuses piled up for eating stuff we knew would not be good. And it all came back.
So, I'm making what I hope to be a new habit, something I can use long-term. I can so readily relate to the poor truck driver. I know that I am happier when I'm healthier. And I know that part of my depression - a MAJOR part - is that I feel like crap. My back has been out and my hip hurts (HIP HURTS - seriously? What am I? 60?) and constant pain does not work for me. I started this week adding little bits of yoga. Has to be little bits because at first I was so completely stiff and in pain that every move I made put me into spasm.
So it's back to small steps. I did juicing for breakfast most of the days this week - apple, orange, ginger, carrot (I learned the hard way that you should NOT put a banana in a juicer.....it spits all the yummy stuff out the other end of the juicer....) and for lunch I brought stuff to make salad (lettuce, tomatos, onion) and I used those handy spritzer bottles for vinaigrette dressing (more coverage, less dressing). At night we had either stir fry (usually a bunch of veggies, and tofu made without oil and with lots of Sri Ra Cha) or soup - veggies, tofu and lots of water. Usually there was enough so that I could take left overs with me to work with the salad. And I drank a lot of water. No soda (I'd been drinking diet Dr P for a while) and only a couple of cups of coffee. And while I still don't interact with people at work like I used to (likely never will) I am making myself get up once an hour (or so) and walk around the building, even if it's inside. And I did some Wii Yoga (VERY basic).
So it's been a week and my back and hip don't hurt as much. I'm refusing to step on the scales till tomorrow, to see if I've made a change yet. The thing is, I know that this is all in my own hands. And it is do-able. I'm tired of feeling like crap. And I'm doing something about it. No time like the present.
One day. One pound. One step at a time.
~N
So starting in about September I began to have less and less friends/support at the place where I spend long hours of my day. And while there were other changes that were good (boss and her boss are GONE) the people that came in place of those who I had relied on were so, ARE so completely lacking in depth that I just sit and work and go home.
This has lead to a very bad habit. Namely, doing my level best to get all the work done so I can get the hell out of there. And that means that I sit. And don't move. All day long. Not only is this very bad for me physically (I have had days where I get up at the end of the day and realize I haven't gone pee all day) but emotionally it's been isolating. And THAT is a step towards depression. I am well aware of it. And I didn't have a clear understanding of where I was in the process until about a month ago.
I found myself sleeping more, eating more comfort foods (see: sugar, cheese bread) and more irritable, short with people that matter, short with people in general and crying. A lot. The holidays are already a sore subject in my house. I love them. They take me back to a simpler time (i.e. a time when I was less aware) and I get lost in the lights, sounds, smells etc. My husband, on the other hand HATES them. Thinks that they are contrived and superficial. Hates them. We actually had a fight on Christmas morning that threatened to ruin the entire day for me and left me in waves of tears. (We decided to hit a "re-set" button tho and the day ended up being exactly what I wanted.)
On New Year's Eve a friend, probably our closest friend, came for an unexpected visit and he and hubby started watching a show called "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead". I came in in the middle of it and immediately got irritated/defensive and watched it begrudgingly. It's a show about 2 men, more really but focuses on 2. Who used a combination of juicing and exercise to lose a TON of weight. The guy that really got to me was about my age and was a trucker. Sitting all day long. And MUCH bigger than I am. He started out at over 400 pounds and by the end of the documentary was in shape and in the 170s. Why was I defensive? Because I didn't want to watch something that would help motivate me to work on the very thing that gets to me most. I wanted to watch something that took me far away from the idea of being fat and feeling like crap.
But we watched it and the next day we started a re-set button of a different kind. We already have a juicer (it was hubby's from long ago) and we went to the grocery store and bought a TON of fruits and vegetables and started trying to make new habits (again). I cheated the first few days. We talked about how to make this a long-lasting change. Because we did this a year ago - on the "Eat to Live" diet - which is mainly the same thing, fruits and vegetables, no salt (or as low as possible) no sugar, no cheese (*whimper*) and really no carbs like pasta etc. And we lost some weight but then we started getting company and excuses piled up for eating stuff we knew would not be good. And it all came back.
So, I'm making what I hope to be a new habit, something I can use long-term. I can so readily relate to the poor truck driver. I know that I am happier when I'm healthier. And I know that part of my depression - a MAJOR part - is that I feel like crap. My back has been out and my hip hurts (HIP HURTS - seriously? What am I? 60?) and constant pain does not work for me. I started this week adding little bits of yoga. Has to be little bits because at first I was so completely stiff and in pain that every move I made put me into spasm.
So it's back to small steps. I did juicing for breakfast most of the days this week - apple, orange, ginger, carrot (I learned the hard way that you should NOT put a banana in a juicer.....it spits all the yummy stuff out the other end of the juicer....) and for lunch I brought stuff to make salad (lettuce, tomatos, onion) and I used those handy spritzer bottles for vinaigrette dressing (more coverage, less dressing). At night we had either stir fry (usually a bunch of veggies, and tofu made without oil and with lots of Sri Ra Cha) or soup - veggies, tofu and lots of water. Usually there was enough so that I could take left overs with me to work with the salad. And I drank a lot of water. No soda (I'd been drinking diet Dr P for a while) and only a couple of cups of coffee. And while I still don't interact with people at work like I used to (likely never will) I am making myself get up once an hour (or so) and walk around the building, even if it's inside. And I did some Wii Yoga (VERY basic).
So it's been a week and my back and hip don't hurt as much. I'm refusing to step on the scales till tomorrow, to see if I've made a change yet. The thing is, I know that this is all in my own hands. And it is do-able. I'm tired of feeling like crap. And I'm doing something about it. No time like the present.
One day. One pound. One step at a time.
~N
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Hello
*walks into the e-room hesitantly and looks around*
Oh, hello, you're still here. Yes, I am too. I have returned, dear readers. And oh my have I gone back to step 1. I just looked and the last time I posted was in August, and that wasn't a real post. Yeah, it's really been a helluva year. In many ways it has not been good. In one really really big way it has been fantastic, but the not-good has seemed to overwhelm.
So I'm back to where I started. I went to put on some pants today while doing laundry, pants that I know I could wear in June, and they won't fit. I wanted to lie on the bed and cry. Instead I just said "oh girl, what have you been doing to yourself?" The thing is I have not been caring for myself. I've been hibernating in a way. Stocking up on carbs etc. Because daily life has pretty much sucked since this summer.
Earlier really. It has been a year heavy with losses - my darling pet in February (I don't have kids, I had cats and my Reilly-girl isn't here now to attack the Christmas trees and it makes me cry), one of my very best friends in June - out of the blue. And then in September a group of women that I worked with and was friends with, spent the majority of my every-day life with for the last few years were all summarily dismissed from work. It doesn't matter that my worst-ever boss was let go (she can tell people she retired but she was pushed out) a little more than a month later. Or that her horrible excuse for a human being boss is "retiring" next month. What mattered to me was that a significant support system in my life, women I counted on (still do, we are setting up a monthly ladies' night get together) were suddenly gone. And I do not deal well with that amount of loss. Just typing about it makes me cry. Not just for the loss of companionship and support at work, but for the panic and fear that they are suddenly facing in a time where to be out of work is to be in a very big and seemingly aimless boat.
My reaction to these losses has been to pack it in. Anything comforting to eat or drink, I'm putting it in my mouth. And I am not moving. Not getting up out of my seat. I know I need to. My sister in law very nearly died a couple of weeks ago because she has blood clots in her leg and lung and one of the ways to get those is to sit. A lot. Another reason I'm not getting up enough is that I don't want to interact with the new people that have been installed at work. To call them imbeciles would be unkind. To imeciles. And so I get to work and I sit. And I type. And then I go home. I keep telling myself that I should get up and go for a walk. I did once. Walked for 10 minutes. My legs hurt when I was done. A ten minute walk made my legs hurt!! That pissed me off.
So I'm back again. I know that posting on here helps me to be honest and maybe writing it out will help me to get through the emotional excuses I've been using to not make healthy choices. I hope so. Because I know that I am headed in a dangerous direction and I want to stop.
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
Oh, hello, you're still here. Yes, I am too. I have returned, dear readers. And oh my have I gone back to step 1. I just looked and the last time I posted was in August, and that wasn't a real post. Yeah, it's really been a helluva year. In many ways it has not been good. In one really really big way it has been fantastic, but the not-good has seemed to overwhelm.
So I'm back to where I started. I went to put on some pants today while doing laundry, pants that I know I could wear in June, and they won't fit. I wanted to lie on the bed and cry. Instead I just said "oh girl, what have you been doing to yourself?" The thing is I have not been caring for myself. I've been hibernating in a way. Stocking up on carbs etc. Because daily life has pretty much sucked since this summer.
Earlier really. It has been a year heavy with losses - my darling pet in February (I don't have kids, I had cats and my Reilly-girl isn't here now to attack the Christmas trees and it makes me cry), one of my very best friends in June - out of the blue. And then in September a group of women that I worked with and was friends with, spent the majority of my every-day life with for the last few years were all summarily dismissed from work. It doesn't matter that my worst-ever boss was let go (she can tell people she retired but she was pushed out) a little more than a month later. Or that her horrible excuse for a human being boss is "retiring" next month. What mattered to me was that a significant support system in my life, women I counted on (still do, we are setting up a monthly ladies' night get together) were suddenly gone. And I do not deal well with that amount of loss. Just typing about it makes me cry. Not just for the loss of companionship and support at work, but for the panic and fear that they are suddenly facing in a time where to be out of work is to be in a very big and seemingly aimless boat.
My reaction to these losses has been to pack it in. Anything comforting to eat or drink, I'm putting it in my mouth. And I am not moving. Not getting up out of my seat. I know I need to. My sister in law very nearly died a couple of weeks ago because she has blood clots in her leg and lung and one of the ways to get those is to sit. A lot. Another reason I'm not getting up enough is that I don't want to interact with the new people that have been installed at work. To call them imbeciles would be unkind. To imeciles. And so I get to work and I sit. And I type. And then I go home. I keep telling myself that I should get up and go for a walk. I did once. Walked for 10 minutes. My legs hurt when I was done. A ten minute walk made my legs hurt!! That pissed me off.
So I'm back again. I know that posting on here helps me to be honest and maybe writing it out will help me to get through the emotional excuses I've been using to not make healthy choices. I hope so. Because I know that I am headed in a dangerous direction and I want to stop.
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
not forgotten
so, I haven't forgotten this blog. I haven't stopped being careful with what I eat. I haven't gotten into a regular exercise pattern tho....and I've been extremely caught up in work politic crap.
to be continued....
One day. One step. One pound at a time
~N
to be continued....
One day. One step. One pound at a time
~N
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
well...
hahahahahahaaaa. yeah, getting up in the mornings to do P90X is not happening. Not even once did it happen. We both looked at each other and said "I could make up an excuse but I don't want to do it." So last night I got out the old Wii system and yes, it still tells me "that's obese" and that I'm unbalanced but it turns out that I did learn some yoga stuff from the insane 90X guy and I did much better. And hey, it was exercise!!
Packing lunches is a known quantity for getting good food versus what I am more likely to buy if left to my own devices during my 30 min lunches so I was happy to have some of hubby's yummy tofu and veggies (peppers, onions, cilantro) for lunch today.
So, it's not the insanity of P90X but it is exercise. And THAT my friends is honesty and it's what counts.
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
Packing lunches is a known quantity for getting good food versus what I am more likely to buy if left to my own devices during my 30 min lunches so I was happy to have some of hubby's yummy tofu and veggies (peppers, onions, cilantro) for lunch today.
So, it's not the insanity of P90X but it is exercise. And THAT my friends is honesty and it's what counts.
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Thunderstruck
If you don't know AC/DC you won't recognize the title as one of (imho) the most kick-ass songs there is. That song is at the beginning of my playlist for my work outs. And today I am going to complete the playlist. And re-start the P90X program with hubby.
Coming back from vacation and KNOWING I ate more than usual (yummy goodness) it was really very cool to have 3 people tell me "you're losing more weight". And yet I know I gained 3 pounds. But that tells me that the changes in diet have really been ingrained because in the past it would have taken no time whatsoever to gain a good 10 pounds without thinking about it.
We've been talking about the long-term goals. And being healthy. And I feel better when we eat good food and I know that exercising makes me feel better (even tho before I do it I really do NOT want to). So today we will re-start the program. And the goal is to do it in the mornings. Oh boy I don't want to do it. But this is the way to look at it: by the time I get home from work I won't have to do the work out. I will be able to just CHILL.
We'll see how it goes. I'll let you know.
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
Coming back from vacation and KNOWING I ate more than usual (yummy goodness) it was really very cool to have 3 people tell me "you're losing more weight". And yet I know I gained 3 pounds. But that tells me that the changes in diet have really been ingrained because in the past it would have taken no time whatsoever to gain a good 10 pounds without thinking about it.
We've been talking about the long-term goals. And being healthy. And I feel better when we eat good food and I know that exercising makes me feel better (even tho before I do it I really do NOT want to). So today we will re-start the program. And the goal is to do it in the mornings. Oh boy I don't want to do it. But this is the way to look at it: by the time I get home from work I won't have to do the work out. I will be able to just CHILL.
We'll see how it goes. I'll let you know.
One day. One step. One pound at a time.
~N
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